*heaves a sigh of relief*

What a dayyyy. Started off with me almost forgetting to print and bring stuff for MDIS. Then i was at the MRT station when this lady approached while laughing. Abit awkward... Then she just ask does this train go to Clementi. LOL. I told her yeah and i was going there too. THEN MET MAWADDAH AND HAYATI. Ate too much yogurt LOL. Walked around and later took 99. Wanted to take like one round but some piggy too lazy eh!!! Hahahaha. 

THEN I LOST MY WALLET. OH GODDD. It must have fallen out of my pocket somewhere then i just couldn't find it?! But it was definitely on the bus cuz i tapped in!!! There was this malay family at the side who helped me look for it. So nice of them T.T I didn't even ask them to do that! They just saw me looking around frantically then i was like "I lost my wallet :(" and they were like lifting up all their things and looking around. Even their small little child got off his seat and looked below the chairs!!!!!! Srsly amazed by the kindness of strangers. Gave up and alighted ah. Thanks to hayati who lend me cash to get to dhoby ghaut!!!!!

Was sadly waiting for the train at Boon Lay and suddenly i got a call from Yamaha. I was like srsly what chu want. I didn't say it out of course LOL. Then the lady was like "Someone found your wallet." I was so ecstatic omg. I was literally shouting with excitement on the phone. "REALLY? OHMYGOD WHOOOO?" She gave me her contact number and bammmmmmmmm. YESSSS 

Another random lady at raffles city came towards me and she had this weird vibe... Then she ask me if the train went to dhoby ghaut. I was like yeah, i'm going there to. DEJA VU MUCH. Not really but kinda. Apparently my face shows that i know directions LOL. No la. Confirm is because i got the kind and cute face then they approach me. HAHAHA BHB. ANYWAYS FINALLY GOT TO MDIS AND REGISTERED AND EVERYTHING AND BAMMMMMMM I'M IN. HURRAHHH. That was easy. School starts in June~~ *dances around* So touched that so many people are happy for me :3 *hugs everybody*

Went to meet the lady to get my wallet and i somehow think that she thinks that i'm crazy thanks to the IMH appointment card LOLOL She got her husband there also like afraid that i'll start clawing at her face or something. Don't worry lady, i'm perfectly sane and nice as long as you don't step on my toes! :D In conclusion to this longgggggggggggg and boring and retarded post: 

"I've made mistakes but i don't regret anything." - Katy Perry

You will always hold the keys to my heart. AND THAT SUCKS!! I can't have you. I know you will never be mine. Not in a million years. BUT I CAN'T GET OVER YOU. I DON'T WANT TO GET OVER YOU. You're just... too amazing... I don't ever want to stop loving you but... I SHOULD STOP. YOU'RE JUST MY IDOLLLLLLLLLL NOT THE LOVE OF MY LIFEEEEEEE. I need to stop this -.- This relationship is reallllyyy not healthy. But... since when has any of my relationships been healthy huh? I've been jumping treacherous waters. Maybe i should stop.... falling into them... I'm such an idiot~ 

ANYWAYS. On to the third Hunger Games book! I must say, it's pretty good so far. Can't wait for the movies to be released! Gogogogo.

serenity

Isn't it beautiful?

I want to go to Scotland. I've wanted to go there ever since i saw someone blogged about it long ago... Can't remember who but the place seems so beautifullllll. I'm referring to those countryside areas... I don't know ah. Oh and also because i love their accents omg. Ashley Jensen's scottish accent is one of the big reasons why i watch Ugly Betty. EARGASMS ALL DAY LONG? SUREEEEEEEE. I can't take living in city areas :( Everything seems so rushed and... just not nice. Hmmm. Wait till i'm older. I'll save enough money and i'm getting out of here. Okok this is my plan for now. When i'm 30 i'm leaving hereeeee. I don't know where i'm going to end up once i reach there. Homeless? HAHA. Still better than being here. I'm so inspired to just pack my bag and leave thanks to Alex Day. I shall not elaborate on that part... Meh.

Sometimes i wish Singapore was bigger. I want to be super far away from here. To the other end of Singapore isn't big enough :( I want to just jump on a train and never look back. Leave everything behind. Run away from here. From you. From myself.

Scumbag brain

Well fuck you too, brain!

Tattoos and schools

This could be the most perfect picture of Adam Levine ever. I mean it consists of almost everything i love about this smexy man right here! That beard. Those chest hair. That nose. Those tattoos. That raised eyebrow. Speaking of tattoos, i really want alot of 'em :( Sadly, it's still frowned upon in certain societies... I know in the past it used to be a symbol for gangs but this is the 21st century! Please open up your mind and move forward! Don't be stuck in the past. Now it's just a form of expressing one's individuality, a form of art or it just looks super AWESOME!!! Furthermore it doesn't hurt that bad? I have been through much worse. The pain after surgery is even more intense. Trust me, i've been through it twice. This is nothing!! 

My fingers are crossed. If it all goes well, i can finally be in my dream course. Even though it's not like in poly which means i didn't work THAT hard to get in and stuff, IT'S STILL MY DREAM COURSE. I shall not say much about it now. Once i get it, i will write a speech. HAHA. But if i don't get it... I'll go sweep the floors k. I am eligible for the course. The only thing that's in the way is MONEY and my mum -.-" She doesn't say it out but i know she has ALOT of doubts about it. Confirm against it one. She doesn't get why i want psychology so bad and she thinks it's like a useless course... Let's face it. Isn't like most of the courses useless? I mean really. When are we gonna use that in our lives? Most of us are just in it for the certificate or something. She doesn't believe in me. 

She has got me locked up tighter than I thought

She's a quick licking pleasure sucker

Hotter than a motherfucker

And she knows who she is

And she gives me whatever I want

And i think of her as my vacation from myself

As she goes off with someone else

Singing is really tiring :o I take my hat off to all the singers. I mean they have to do shows for a few days straight and sing continuously for at least an hour everyday. Plus they have to dance around and shit. I sing for half an hour my voice cui banana already. OH WELL. This is why they are singers and i'm just a kiddo sitting at home infront of my computer.

Now whenever shit happens, i have something to push me on. KATY PERRY AND MAROON 5. OMG. September!! Persevering for you guys. I'mma live till that day!!!!

#1: Inspired by true events.

The sky was tinted orange and the leaves rustled among the wind. The first drop of rain had just pierced through the night sky and before you knew it, the city was shrouded in darkness by a heavy downpour. I looked out the window, took a deep breath and stepped out the door. The zombies were nowhere to be seen due to the rain. Or maybe they were there but i just couldn't see them. "This is it.", i thought to myself. "It's now or never." I made sure the coast is clear and with my target vaguely in sight, i bolted off. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. Suddenly, a sharp pain in my stomach grabbed onto me, urging me to give up. The hunger was overwhelming. "No, not now Jasmin! You're gonna make it. It's so close." I quickly diverted that pain by concentrating on the task at hand: Getting to the store. 

After what seems like an eternity, i made it! I stumbled into the store, landing face first on the concrete floor. "That would've been embarrassing if there were actually people around." i thought to myself. I chortled and got back on my feet, shaking off the water on me as i go. The store was pretty much the same as it was before. Only that this time, the shelves were empty, broken lights were hanging off the ceiling, the wallpaper was peeling off, the friendly old lady at the counter was gone and of course, the world has ended. I could feel this pinch of sadness building up inside me so i erased that thought and moved on to the next task at hand: Finding something to eat and drink.

I clumsily rummaged through the shelves and boxes. NOTHING! I pushed on. Halfway through and still nothing. "Have i went through all that for nothing?" i thought to myself. I punched the shelved beside me in a moment of fury and something fell from the top and hit me hard on the head. "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!" i screamed. I looked to see what hit me and it was a bottle of water. In disbelief, i slowly approached it while rubbing my eyes a few times to make sure i wasn't hallucinating. My hands slowly reached out and finally came in contact with the bottle. I held it tight and close to me like it was my own baby. "Finally..." i thought to myself. 

Just as i was about to break open the bottle and savor the goodness within, i heard a moan coming from the other end of the store. ZOMBIES! How could i have forgotten that i was still in a zombie apocalypse?! All i was thinking about was the food and i have completely forgotten about the other more dangerous thing! Even though all i got was a bottle of water, it was enough. I wasn't going to risk my life. Thankfully it hasn't spotted me so i had the chance to slip out the front door and ran back to the safe house. I quickly shut the door behind me and heaved a sigh of relief. Holding the bottle triumphantly, i popped open the top and carefully eased it towards my lips, making sure not to make any spills. As the water flowed down my throat, i leaned my head back and basked in the moment of satisfaction. Who knew water could taste so good?

-Jasmin

I'M REALLY. LOST. WHAT AM I? WHO AM I? I'M SO CONFUSED. FOR NO REASON AT ALL THIS IS SUDDENLY A PROBLEM. OMG I HATE THESE MOMENTS!!!!! I don't need too much, i don't need anything else, i just need somebody to love. Just let me love you. 

MOVING ON TO THE HAPPIER THINGS

 I AM GOING TO THE SINGAPORE GRANDPRIX. Or F1. Or whatever you prefer to call it. HOLY SHIIIIIIITTTTTSSSSSSSSS. WITH MY LAU SOCK GHIM. OH DEAR OH DEAR SO EGGCITED I'MMA SEE MY BABYGIRL T.T

AND FOR FINALLY, MY BABYBOYY. 30 YEARS OLD AND STILL SEXY. YAYYYYYYYY

misguided

I just re-watched Ugly Betty to get some inspiration for my life!! Or something. LOL. I have learnt alot. Goodbyes are shit but they are not going to stop happening. So we should just accept it and decide whether it's a good thing or a bad one... BE FEARLESS. Step out of your comfort zone. Do something you wouldn't usually do. I love it when the characters show a totally different side of themselves. Ahhh i love this show!! I shall not spazz over this... 

Well it seems like there has been a change of events. I just got rejected. HAHA FEELS VERY ROUGH TO BE REJECTED BY AN ITE. Well, screw you too. Kidding. I was just so torn between staying and leaving and now i guess they have made the choice for me. No need stress already! Don't worry i'm not stopping my education forever. I will get back on the horse next year. Retake my o levels and see what happens. I wasted a year of my life and i'm going to waste like 2 more because i didn't know what i want in my life. I made all the wrong choices because i thought i could just wing it. Now i know and sort of have a plan. Let's hope it's not too late. God, i feel so old. Don't worry i'm not disheartened by this! I'm still as cheery as ever and i will always be :D 

Y U SO PRETTY

Holy shit what happen to blogger. Kinda annoying when they change the layout I'M SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW. Anyways, this is Chloe Moretz. SO FUCKING PRETTY OMG. And she's only 15. DOES SHE LOOK 15?! NO RIGHT OMG. It feels so wrong for me to be like all over her -.-" Please grow up so i can love you without feeling like a pedo. HAHAHA. She's gonna be so hot when she grows up. CANNOT WAIT FOR IT HAHAHA WHAT JASMIN 

NOT GONNA SLEEP AGAIN. Later gonna be zombie. I'm just... really hungry. "I'm on this new diet where i don't eat anything but when i feel like fainting, i'll just eat a cube of cheese." Kidding. Later morning go 7/11 buy shizz yayyyy i love having one so near to meee

-pats myself on the back-

I went out yesterday with MAWADDAH. My long lost mummy. Cheh. So long never see her already. Still as evil as ever. She wanna see people choke on cherries xp WEIRDO. HAHA KIDDING!! I can honestly say i love spending money on other people. I mean i could have use it to buy all the things i want. I have so much things on my wishlist but i think i prefer getting things for other people! Not trying to buy people over with money. I just like seeing them happy :D MAKING OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY MAKES ME HAPPY!!! I don't expect anything back! I mean just a "thank you" will suffice :D SO DON'T FEEL GUILTY OKAY. Silly silly people. I will never do things that are against myself. Never once did i look back and say "Damn, i shouldn't have spend so much on her." and i will never say things like "Being alone is nice! I can have more money to spend on myself." I'm not referring to anybody here. Or am i? 

POSER AH THIS GIRL. YOU CAN SEE MY FATS!!!

OKAYYYYYYY I WANT TO LEARN ARCHERY. Super random but it seems interesting. Influenced by Daryl and the Hunger Games? Hmm. Prepare for zombie apocalypse ah. Can't wait for my guitar lesson to start on the 13th of May!! I'm trying to learn a few notes now tho. Like learn abit before it starts. Wah jasmin suddenly so motivated to do things WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU. It's good. Considering to work first... Then i can learn my guitar and shit. Then i retake my o levels and try to get into psychology in POLY! If all else fails, i will use the money i've saved and earned from work and get a private diploma? Hmm.

"Why don't you take a seat over there?"

I enjoy understand how human mind's work. Like what makes them do things. For example, criminals! I like to try and relate myself to them? Uh how do i put this like imagine being in their shoes and what drives them to kill/rape/rob people etc. I think i can understand and feel most of them but i can't understand.... pedophiles. Why am i even talking about this? LOL. I've been watching this show "To Catch A Predator" and it's basically about catching pedophiles... I can't wrap my mind around it... Why would you prefer a child...? The people in the show prey on 13 year olds but there are other incidents out there where they do stuff to like 5 years old. WHY. SERIOUSLY. They aren't even.... developed in any way?! SERIOUSLY!!! I can understand you if you rape a woman like a grown woman BUT WHY KIDS. WHY. WHAT THE FUCK!!!! God it's so disgusting. But the show is interesting tho. Seeing them catch the pedophiles and them trying to make up stories XD AND ALSO SOME OF THE GUYS ACTUALLY LOOK PRETTY... GOOD? Very rare la... BUT STILL HAVE. Y U DO THIS

The Twits - Roald Dahl

Reading my favorite childhood book made me feel guilty about wanting to be evil. I'm sorry. No ugly thoughts :) Not even about the people i hate! P.s how do you pronounce the authors name...? I never knew... He is really such a brilliant man. The things he comes up with are so creative like where the hell do you get that idea from?! It sounds ridiculous yet it works. I take my hat off to you!! SO MUCH RESPECT!!!! 

only youuuuuu~

It's probably nothing but i feel so guilty for not posting much about her T.T I'm sorry... I STILL LOVE YOU OBVIOUSLY. April 18th was the 3rd year of me loving youuuuuuu. No regrets. You're the only person who can affect me that much. Like seriously just a picture of you can make me feel... just indescribable. YOUR PERFECTION!! THAT FACE!! IT JUST MAKES ME ASDKJALSD. I will literally have tears welling up in my eyes. 

You make me such a dork :3 Everything you do is just extra awesome. STOP BEING SO PRETTY SERIOUSLY AKSJDLAKJSD My little heart can't handle your awesomeness :3 -imaginary hug- I love you forever and i mean it. My next tattoo goes out to you my babygirl. Just wait!! 

I'm really tempted to get like a tattoo of this on my back.

LIKE JUST COVERING MY WHOLE DAMN BACK. Good idea? Horrible idea? This is Altair btw. Not Ezio. Even tho i like Assassin's Creed and all, i don't actually know... the storyline... and stuff... Heh. SORRY. BUT I DO KNOW ALTAIR, EZIO AND DESMOND. THAT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT PART RIGHT? I wanna be covered in tatttooooooooooooos

"I'm picking up my blaster, put it on my side."

This bloody song is stuck in my head. LOL. I never liked the original Jason Derulo version until i heard this parody. Freaking awesome!! Even when i'm listening to the original, at the chorus the line "I'M HAN SOLO I'M HAN SOLO" just keeps popping into my head x.x Don't get why people is hating on this though. COME ON, DON'T TAKE IT SO SERIOUSLY!! LOOSEN UP A LIL AND ENJOY IT :D

This could be paradise.

This is a pretty darn nice view. Got it from tumblr. I think an Assassin's Creed costume would give me the courage i need. I've made so many stupid mistakes. Fallen so many times. From now onwards, not anymore. I swear. NOT ANYMORE. I've said this before and i have obviously failed -.-" COME ON COME ON. I WANT TO DO SOMETHING. BUT WHAT? I don't know. So for now i'll just... lay on my bed all day. Paradise by Coldplay is seriously a fucking awesome song... Please bury me in an Assassin's Creed costume and play this song at my funeral when i die.

P.S I'M NOT THINKING OF SUICIDE!! I realize its easily implied when i say things like that. 
But naw. I'm not done with life yet :D There are still things i have to do...

Having a shitty day? Need to just empty your mind and relax?

LISTEN TO THIS MAN SING. It works wonders. I love you <3

I've been receiving alot of compliments lately. I don't know why. I don't know how to accept them...? And i still don't agree with them ah. I mean i'm not thick skin duh. BUT ONE OF MY OLD NEIGHBOURS SAID SOMETHING VERY... i feel like it's exaggerated. I'm not even making this up hor and i don't agree with it but here is what she said. She said it to my mum ah.

"Because your daughter is so pretty right, there are people who will be envious of her and want to destroy that. They can't be like her so they wanna make her like them."

She said it in chinese uh. My translation. I'm like HUH SERIOUSLY? NO LOL. JUST NO. That is abit too much LOL. If i'm pretty then Katy Perry is like... I don't know what already. She's already a goddess nowwwww ~.~ AHHHHHHHHH SHE MAKES ME SO HAPPYYYYYYYY. 

ANYWAYS MAROON 5 JUST RELEASED A NEW SONG! Loving it. Can't wait for their new album in June! OVEREXPOSED BITCHES!!!

I dreamt that i had this urge to just jump out the window. No, not committing suicide. I was about to do the LEAP OF FAITH. I grabbed all my stuff and and opened the window and i was so ready!! Until my mum came and ask me OI WHAT YOU DOING. Then i'm like i don't know... And i didn't... WOULD BE AWESOME TO DO IT THO? But instead of landing in a pile of hay, i'll just land right on the concrete floor. Ouch.

~.~

I feel so trapped.

time travelllllll but not really

Hello blog. I'm going on a journey to find back myself. WHERE IS THE GIRL THAT USED TO BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME?! THE INNOCENT LITTLE GIRL. THE NORMAL LITTLE KIDDO WHO JUST WANTED TO PLAY. NOT THIS SCREWED UP ASSHOLE WHO THINKS TOO MUCH ABOUT EVERYTHING. 

SEE. WHERE ARE YOU. WHERE ARE YOU. COME BACK. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE THINKING ALL THE TIME? ABOUT EVERYTHING? IT'S TIRING. Anyways, i'mma read some of my old blog posts. From like 2009. Yes, i still keep them ;) BUAHAHAHA. 

Holy shit, i used to be so thick skin?! I was saying things like "I love myself, i love my smile. I'm cute" DAFUQ??! My self esteem level has obviously dropped drastically since then... The confident me, where are you? T.T Come back...? I referred to myself as a NARCISSIST?! 

I used alot of singlish? LIKE A HELL LOT. All the "seh, siol, leh, la" 

I used to be so obsessed with Selena Gomez... 

I used to be so afraid of being mistaken as a lesbian/bisexual. LMFAO. JASMIN AH JASMIN. Now i'm proud of being one man. I WANNA ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD. HEY I LOVE GIRLS BECAUSE THEY ARE BEAUTIFUL AND AWESOME. 

OH MY GOD MY BEARBEAR USED TO BE SO... WHITE? AND FAT. Compared to now... Holy shit. I still love you tho :3

I still want lip piercings.

I told myself that i would never fall in love and love is stupid. Well, i was right. Love is stupid but i fell in love anyways. And it left me broken. I should have listened to myself.

I was really pervertic. HAHA. Or should i say immature? If you still think i'm immature now, fuck you. HAHA. That makes me seem immature. I can reassure you, i'm not. I can have a very sophisticated conversation with you and i actually enjoy it! Try me :D

Oh damn it's 6am already. I shall stop here for now. 

To sum it up, i'm so messed up in the head right now T.T Last time even when bad things happened, it was just... on the surface? Like small little conflicts that are easily solved. But this time, i'm in a conflict with myself. I'm in a war with myself, with things that don't exist. 

12th April

WENT TO WILD WILD WET WITH THE LADIES. YAYYYY. It was Ragam's and Fatimah's first time there!!! Anyways, it was hilarious especially when we first took the huge ass slide. RAGAM WAS SCREAMING LIKE HELL HAHA OMG. And then there's the slide thingy that's like a U shape. Damn, i have no idea what their names are. EPICNESS. So much screaming. Even the seemingly fearless LAU SOCK GHIM screamed!!!!!!!! HOHO.

I know it's very cliche for friends to like take picture of their feets together but WHUTEVER XP

After that wanted to watch "Mirror, Mirror" at AMK hub but reached there then realize don't have. We didn't check beforehand... All 4 of us are not iPhone users!! YAY. Hahahaha. Went to the arcade instead. Spent all my money there x.x BUT IT WAS WORTH IT. Played House Of Dead 4 for like the second time? Or is it the first? Screaming like hell and shaking the gun like crazy. Ohhhhhhh good times. Goooood times. I wanna go back :( GO ARCADE AGAIN. COME ON COME ON

I have decided that i'mma go to wildwildwet anyways. HEHEHE. I'MMA RISK THIS TATTOO. Noooo. I'll protect it as much as i can... Please don't let anything happen to it. -fingers crossed-

The look in your eyes will turn to surprise

As you feel the pain and you realize

The one hurting you is somebody who once said 

"I love you."

Ahhh. Beautiful song!!! Never really thought about it before but i think i actually like Jazz music! I mean Maroon 5's 2nd album was sort of jazzy? Like the genre. Yesyes. Jazz is awesome. I COMPLETED L.A NOIRE!! It's the second game i've completed HAHAHA. ONLY. As much as i love games, i don't usually have the heart to finish it and stuff. The only 2 exceptions so far is Bully and L.A Noire. WooHOOOOooOoooo. CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO THE ZOO NEXT WEEK. HEHEHE. Had to cancel the wildwildwet trip because of my tattoo :( I'm sorry.

You're scared of the light that's inside of me

Do you know that there's a way out

You don't have to be held down

'Cause I used to be a shell

Yeah, I let her rule my world

But I woke up and grow strong

And I can still go on

and no one can take my pearl

You don't have to be a shell

You're the one that rules your world

You are strong and you'll learn that you can still go on

And you'll always be a pearl

so you kept me in the dark

HELL TO THE YEAH. SERIOUSLY. IT'S AS AWESOME AS I EXPECTED. THANK YOU DAD. SERIOUSLY. YOU. ARE. THE. MAN. 

in the shade of the night

The path of darkness is ever so tempting. Evil thoughts brewing. If only i didn't had any emotions. No fear. No love. No kindness. No compassion. Nothing. Oh the things i would do. The person i would be. The people i would step over. The lives i will destroy. I would love to have my hands stained with other people's blood... Such a beautiful sight.

we will come looking for you

I like the sound of our shoes walking on dirt paths. Also the sound of keychains banging each other on those hiker bag packs. Do you get what i'm trying to say? :/ I hope you do. Heh. It just feels like we're going on an adventure! Or escaping from zombies...

Before the possibilities came true

Oh the things i would do to be with you. Like seriously. If you ask me to do anything to be with you, just anything. I will bloody do it!! I WILL PUNCH A BABY IN THE FACE FOR YOU. I WILL EAT MY OWN HAMSTERS RAW. I WOULD, JUST DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IF IT MEANS THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU :( I would hold you forever... and i will never let you go... You can never go. Even if you want to. I will never. let. you. go.

i took all possibilities from you

No regrets,

I almost forgot how much i loved the song Teenage Dream even before i met you. Well, i guess i still have to thank you for the memories. Even though it pains me to think of it now, at least i have lived in it. Like plankton said, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At least i did. I felt happy for that short period of  time. I felt like i was living in a Teenage Dream. Dreams have to end sooner or later and now i'm just back to reality! Part of life. I'm wide awake. I'm accepting my lost. Nothing i do is ever going to make anything go back the same again. Living in the moment. Doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone. Doesn't mean you're not lonely when you're around alot of people :D I mean don't have to try so hard and look popular but in the end you realise you've got nothing. I don't have alot but i know those people i have will ALWAYS be here.

just love

Empowering moment.

I forgot to mention that the doctor said i had a nice smile *swoons* HAHAHA OMG. Please don't think i'm some bimbotic person but it's nice to get complimented once in a blue moon. Awwww. THE DOCTOR'S SMILE WAS CUTER PLEASE HAHA. ANYWAYS. Another person also once told me that my smile can impact others... Sounds very dramatic? But it is exactly what he said. It made a difference in his life. Just a small little difference but it still did! Also someone else told me that my smile makes them smile too. Thank you so much guys. Even though i think i look damn stupid when i smile, I WILL DO IT FOR YOU GUYS. I WILL SMILE. I WILL ACTUALLY MEAN IT WHEN I SMILE. I WILL BE STRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I WILL SHINEEE LIKE HOW I USED TO. Just give me a lil bit of time. I'mma get back on my feet.

Day 1

Today was the first therapy session. The things he said... Opened up my mind!! He mentioned this story about a pearl and sand and oyster and whatever crap. Reminded of my baby's song LOL. And stuff.................... Welllllllllll. I really hope that i feel better soon. "It's not you, it's depression!!" It's the thing that is bringing me down........ I have to completely remove you then i can remove it. I must keep my mind occupied. Mum's gonna sign me up for guitar and maybe piano lesssonnnnn. Heal jasmin, heal. You're the only person who can help you. GET BETTER. FEEL BETTER. YOU CAN BE BETTER. SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.

L.A noire is seriously fucking fun omg. My hands are itchy right now. GONNA GO PLAY IT LATER. It's so much better than GTA. Like for serious. Just everything. The story, the way the player moves, the way you drive and it's just fantastic omg. I feel like such a nerd right now. OH AND NOT TO MENTION, I HAZ MY NEW KATY PERRY CD. I have the songs already actually... Leaked before it was released LOL. So it's not really new and stuff but you know. It's still something. Bleargh

Dear therapy,

you're my only hope now.

I shouldn't be talking about it anymore but there's one thing i can't wrap my mind around. If you didn't love me anymore, why did you get so upset when i was texting, contacting other people etc? One good example. You tore up the birthday card he gave me. You threw away the thing he gave me. Why? Why did it bother you? There's only two ways for it. The first ridiculous reason is that you still liked me and was jealous. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. The second reason.... You don't like seeing me getting love from other people...? Which means you are... evil? Oh god i don't know. 

A new chapter... i hope?

After about a month of crying everyday, i think i woke up today. For the first time in a long time, i don't feel like dying. In fact, i feel like going out to do something. Not just anything but to HELP. Like maybe volunteer or some shit. My god father has these trips where he volunteers overseas at those third world country... I should go ask him if i can come along next time!! Gonna take up a guitar class soon if everything goes well... Need to fix that damn guitar or buy a new one. Wanted to take up taekwondo too but it involves alot of kicking... We all know that's not gonna roll well with me. Ah fuck this leg. Shall see what else i can do... I wanna get a bicycle too. So i can cycle somewhere close to home. Maybe like what Jeremy suggested, at those park connectors? Wait for it to fully open first or something. Ahhh. I hope this feeling lasts forever and not just for a few seconds only again. Like how i always do. Hahaha. 

I guess part of why i feel this way is thanks to this guy here! 

ALEX DAY. He's just plain awesome. I'm not gonna say i'm his biggest fan or i'm in love with him or whatever. I'm just really inspired by him.

I'm not completely over you yet. I mean like duh, who the hell wakes up one day and just suddenly stop loving someone? Oh wait, you do. ANYWAYS, at least i'm taking the first step. I fell into a trench and now i'm getting back up on my feet. Not gonna start running immediately, obviously. Baby steps. The past was just holding me back. Those memories will always be there but the feelings are not anymore. "If the past is the problem, the future can solve them." No point for me to hold on to nothing right? No point for me to wait anymore. Even if you really do come back, will things be the same? No. It will never be. You are just not worth it anymore. Not worthhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Now i'm left to forget about us

The places i can ever see you and be with you again:

In my dreams
In another life

I saw you in my dreams. In good and bad ways... I dreamt that you were happy with me. I dreamt that you were with someone else. I woke up feeling empty and sad for both. You seem to have moved on. You're doing so fine without me. How can someone just forget everything and feel nothing...? Maybe you feel something. Maybe you're feeling sad too. I don't know. You probably don't... But if you are, i'm here... I'm still here. I don't want to be but i can't help myself... How can such strong feelings just fade? How can you just stop? Why T.T Did you forget everything we ever had?

It's too late for anything now... We only realize things when it's too late... But i treasured every single moment with you. I... loved every single minute of it. I can't say the same for you. I loved you more than i ever loved anyone. Nobody has ever made me feel this pain. I just want you to know that i really loved you and i still do... as much as ever... It has never faded... Not even a single bit.

What once felt like a dream come true, is now a nightmare.

OH I JUST REALISED. I might be a bit slow in realizing this but... i really think i fully understand when songs say that they love someone so much until they have to let that person go. It's because the other person didn't love them already -.- I thought it was like both sides love each other then they wanna let each other go which didn't make any freaking sense. NOW I GET IT. I DO I DO I DO. Eat the humble pie. OKAY CAN. Just randomly putting this somewhere if not there's too much things in my mind... kthxbye

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall
Even more in love, than we were before
I won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song you can't forget it

And at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don't forget us

Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us

Why must you lie to me ): I felt like i'm in a fairy tale. It felt just like the movies. My world stopped spinning. It stopped time. Stars aligned. I saw signs. It was cinematic and dramatic but without a perfect ending..

I know i've wasted a year but let's just take it as a lesson learnt i guess...? Take it as i died in a game and now it's restarting at my last checkpoint. Alrighty. Got 8 lives left. My mind is in a blur now. TOO MUCH THOUGHTS AND THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE. Can't seem to think properly... I don't even know what i really wanna do in my life. All i know is that i want Katy Perry ): I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. Baby baby you're driving me crazy

"Never judge a book by its cover"

I learnt this the harsh way. The cover of the book was... cute little kittens and flowers... The first few chapters were still cute and sweet. Until you get to the middle part. The climax. The intense part of it. The flowers ate the kittens and spat them out. Producing... skinless zombie cats. (sockghim contributed this part haha) I still cannot believe it though. I mean seriously. The cover is so cute... I wanna hug the book and like display it. But the contents are just... disgusting. Ridiculous and just... bad. Horrible. Blearh. 

random

 playing with my bro's hair wax at 3am. bored.

I was wrong.

I was wrong for loving someone more than you. I was wrong for thinking that someone else would make me happier. But the truth is... No one will ever replace you. I don't care if we're never gonna end together. I don't care if you never know about me. The most important thing is that... you make me happy :) That's all that matters! You won't hurt me. You're so perfectly perfect. Like an angel ~.~ Ahhhh. As cliche as it is, i have to say it. YOU ARE MY HAPPY PILL. I even told the doctor about my retarded love for you. Hehehe. I SHY AH. YOU SO AWESOME. KTHXBYE

i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

I'm just gonna throw everything out here. I don't need to care about you when you don't even give a fuck about me. As easy as i'm saying this, it's not. It's not fucking easy for me not to give a shit about you. So you better listen up because you... You don't even realize how much damage you've done... 

I actually knew that this was gonna happen sooner or later. But i just didn't say it and accept it earlier. You wanna know why? Because i wanted to wait for your birthday to be over. I want to spend your birthday with you. I want to let you have a nice birthday celebration. I held in all my pain. I held in everything. You think i'm dumb? Everything's so obvious. Every time i look at you, my heart aches. Every time i look into your eyes and say i love you with so much sincerity, i die a little inside. Because i know you don't feel the same yet i have to pretend like you do just to get me through the days. I did it for you. I FUCKING DID IT FOR YOU. I gave you all i had and you tossed it in the trash. I was afraid that you'll have a bad birthday so i... tried. But now i figured that you probably didn't needed me. You don't need me anymore.

I'm not trying to gain your fucking sympathy here. I just want to let you know how much i fucking loved you and why i'm so hurt by you. Like i said before, you just... lost the feelings so naturally. You didn't even bother to get it back. You just used a stupid excuse. "I thought i was a lesbian." You know what that translate to? You were just using me. I told you before and i knew it was true. I was just your rebound guy. I was just there to support you through your shit. Once you get better and over him, you'll go and find some new guy. Which is exactly what is happening right now. Don't deny because we all can see.

Me? I've found a new guy? I'm only doing this because of you. You think i really love him? No. I ain't like you. Falling in love every 3 fucking seconds. Just because some guy treats you nice, you fall in love already. That ain't love. "Shot through the heart and you're to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name." I seriously just wanna dedicate this song to you. For once, if you at least bother, go read up on the lyrics. You're not sad because you just lost me as a friend and shit. You're sad because you just got rejected by your new crush. I don't really know what to say anymore. You just believe everything and anything people tell you... You really think that i don't give a fuck about you? You really think i'm over you? You really think that you're not hurting me anymore? I only said those things because i wanted you to be happy. I was so fucking stupid to still think that way. You don't even care that i'm dying from depression. You won't even save me if you had a bucket full of water and i was on fire. You'll just slowly watch me burn to death as i scream out your name in pain.

I'm just gonna be real honest here. You know what i'm hoping for? That you will get so heartbroken, you'll come crawling back to me. A little bit harsh? Take that as you will. You'll probably just see the bad side to this so no point in me trying to explain. Who knows, maybe you'll get what you want and life works out fine for you. At that point i think i'll completely lost faith in god or whatever shit is up there controlling the flow of the universe. What goes around better fucking comes around because it has always been coming around for me. It better fucking does for you too because you don't deserve to be happy. Not right now. I'm being a major bitch now? Yeah. So what. SO FUCKING WHAT. You're a bitch and you don't even know it, thus you don't give a fuck so why should i give a shit too huh.

Do you know how many times i'm so tempted to just, hold you? My heart keeps making me go back to you but my mind is rejecting it. That time you were standing infront of me in class. I was so tempted to just hug you from the back and hold you close again. I feel stupid for writing all these down. Like i said, i know you wouldn't give a fuck. You'll just say aww and move on with life. I guess theres not much you can do anymore. There's nothing you can do anymore. Just make me forget... Hit me on the head real hard

We were always meant to say goodbye

And again, i'm at this position of asking you for help. Why do i even bother. I'm talking to a bloody picture of you T.T But i guess it's better talking to an imaginary you... You won't hurt me... I need you now T.T I need somebody now. I don't wanna get scolded when i'm already depressed enough T.T I ask real human beings or help, all they do is scold me and doubt me T.T It's okay if you wanna talk to me and make me feel better but all they wanna do is nag me and stuff. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. HELP ME KATY PERRY. HELP ME. Sadly, you're the only person who can save me from my misery now. Yet, you're also making me sad. Oh god i hate me. Fuck all these emotions. Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!! 

It's so tiring to love someone... I... want to stop... I wish i can stop... PLEASE. WHY ISNT ANYTHING I SAY GETTING INTO YOUR HEAD. I understand that you need to spend time with me. I'm just expressing my sadness. I'M SAD BECAUSE YOU'RE GONE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BEING SAD ABOUT THAT? I'M NOT LIKE, NOT ALLOWING YOU TO GO. I ALLOW YOU TO. BUT I AM SAD. BUT I AM OKAY WITH IT. JUST LET ME BE SAD. DON'T SCOLD ME T.T JUST PLEASE... stop scolding me.... I feel like i've lost you. I feel like you've lost your love for me. You keep saying no but you're not showing it T.T You're not T.T 

"The first couple of months or even years it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets to busy, or doesn't even bother to try. You know why? Because they're comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you'll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren't afraid to lose them because they're yours."

I'm still afraid of losing you. I'm still trying. You aren't anymore. You always ask me not to think so much but maybe you're just thinking too less... It's okay to be comfortable but... at times... just try. Please. JUST FUCKING TRY T.T I'm so tired of crying of crying over you T.T

Why do all the shitty people get the good things? What did they do to fucking deserve it? Ah whatever la. Life's unfair. God doesn't exist. Even if whichever god does, they are doing a horrible job. Punish me for saying this la. Whatever man. Don't believe in anything anymore.

I don't get much from heroes

I don't give them much thought

I crumble under pressure

made of steel I’m not

I don't like my reflection

I don't like what I see

I'm scared of my shadow

it cast this doubt on me

But am I still the one?

Am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain

But when I needed you the most you looked the other way

I wanted you to comfort me the moment we begun

I loved you through your nothingness 

am I still the one?

You’re coming through the windows,

you’re crawling through the floor

You sent the spies to find me,

now they’re kicking down my door

Am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain

But when I needed you the most you looked the other way

There’s nothing left but emptiness it’s all been said and done

I know you want me to believe that I’m still the one

So long to the angels

You got me on the run

Tell me that you’ll never leave me again

now you're sorry

Being alone makes me realise how easy it is to kill myself. It really is.

You'll always be beautiful to me <3

Wipe Your Eyes

No comfort, no tissues, no hug and not even a word. Just me and myself, crying. And just so appropriately, a new Maroon 5 song leaked today and it's called wipe your eyes. Here are the lyrics... I'll just imagine Adam's singing this to me... As a comfort...

I'm afraid that I gotta do but I gotta do

But if I let you go, where you gonna go?

We gotta make it change, time to turn the page

Something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you

We've been through couple times, you know it gets worse

We can't I need surround please let me be first

And as I feel your tears spilling on my shirt

Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you

Hey you, come on over and let me embrace you

I know that i'm causing you but pain too

But remember if you need to cry

I'm here to wipe your eyes

Tonight before you fall sleep

I run my thumb across your cheek

Cry, 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

I know I made you feel this pain

You gotta breathe, we'll be okay

Cry, 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah

'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah

When did we cross the line

How could we could forget

Why do we let the pressure get into our heads

Your broken heart requires all of my attention

'cause something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you

Hey you, come on over and let me embrace you

I know that i'm causing you but pain too

But remember if you need to cry

I'm here to wipe your eyes

Crushed

Yet again, this leg has ruined my life. I made a very... devastating discovery today... Before that, you should know that one of my lifetime dream is to drive a mini cooper/mini coupe. Or both la. But... The thing is... I can't believe i just realise this but i can't drive. Not that i don't know but i can't. Because of my leg. You need your damn leg to press the brake and accelerate right? Well, my right leg can't press down. It can't do shit. Thus, i can't drive. Don't tell me i can because i know how my leg is. I know it's condition. I know it can't be cured. It's my leg. I can't even press the fucking accelerate and you expect me to drive?! Thanks alot... I felt... really sad after i realised this but... i don't know... I just felt really alone at that point of time... I almost cried. Like seriously. My dreams have been ruined before i even got started on working towards it... Goodbye red hot Mini Cooper...

Goodbye Mini Coupe...

In another life, maybe i'll be okay and then i'll drive you.... 

As arrogant as i will sound, i have to say this. Whenever i see people posting about whatever their boyfriends/girlfriends or whatever do things for them, in my mind i'm like CHEH, LIKE THAT ONLY, MY BABY ONE IS BETTER. Sorry!! My inner voice just screams that out hahahaha. Actually by the "people" i mean one specific person XP HELLO, STOP BROADCASTING EVERY SINGLE THING ON FACEBOOK!!!!! Acting like it's such a big deal. If i post everything that my baby has done for me, you can step aside BIATCH! You're nothing. My baby is the best!! 

The thought of losing someone is... scary... and sad. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Urgh fuck why am i such a cry baby. Someone needs to slap some sense into me. I can't help but feel insecure. After so much things, is it really me? My fault? But why is it always me who has to admit a mistake. Why is it always me who has to make things better? Why me? Why can't someone else do the same for me? Or maybe they did but i can't see it. I don't even fucking know. It's just really tiring having to deal with these things...

I don't think i'm kinda or whatever because i do those things because i think they SHOULD be done. I don't have any live examples now but sometimes people are like woah you so kind but in my mind i'm thinking, isn't this what a normal person would do? It's humanity... I guess... And i'm super sensitive towards other people's feelings. As in when they're sad, i know. But sometimes i just say things without realising. I'm sorry about that. I really am. But when i can't cheer someone up, i blame myself. I blame myself for not being good enough :/ 

Honestly speaking, i watch those videos of why people shouldn't suicide and stuff. In my mind i'm just disagreeing with them all the way. They say things will get better and suicide won't solve anything. Well, i think it does. At least it ends everything once and for all. You don't have to wait around. Even if things do get better, how much better can they get? Just a bare minimum? Or even if they get awesome, what goes up must come down right? Then we'll be in that familiar spot again. Feeling shitty like before. Everything good that happened was just... a... i don't know...? It doesn't last. It just doesn't. I want it to last. Who doesn't right? I may still be in a honeymoon mood but what if the other party has moved on to reality? And eventually move out of your life? What about me? Sure, i'm happy that they're happy. But not really. 

I had this moment when i was sleeping but i woke up yet i feel like i'm still dreaming and i tried very hard to go back to sleep because i was having this dream which i cannot remember what it was already. Then my eyes just felt really heavy like something was forcing them to close? I just couldn't push them open. My eyes were barely opened and everything i see was a blur. I could feel drool coming out of my mouth and i tried to close my mouth but i can't. It was just stuck there, hanging open. I couldn't even move? I was just stuck there trying to sleep and wake up at the same time. I woke up afterwards feeling super confused. What the fuck just happened?

And i've been sleeping alot lately? Usually i can survive throughout the day but now i just keep falling asleep at random places -.- I even fell asleep in class like twice? Or was it once? I was feeling super awake but i just suddenly dozed off... Tskk fuck. Not forgetting the stupid automatic behaviour shizz? I do things that i don't even remember laksjdlkajsdlkajsdlkj If i do normal things can but i scolded baby on like almost all occasions x.x Blearh

):

I miss you... ): How?

I want this feeling to last foreverrrr

I'm very extremely happy right now!! And the song i'm listening to kinda like makes me happy like suits the mood i don't know how to say but i just feel shit ass happy right now. HOHO!! Somemore it's a LADY GAGA song WTF! HAHA WHATEVER. I HAPPY CAN ALREADY~ EH EH~ SO HAPPY I COULD DIE~ Up in the clouds, we'll be higher than ever~~ 

i'll keep trying

I'm sorry. I know i've been horrible the past few days or week or whatever. My mood swings are like super fucked up. I get angry and annoyed very easily. Please know that i don't mean any of it... I never meant for it to bother anyone because it has never bothered anyone. I just needed to express my emotions and be done with it. Nobody ever cared about it and i didn't expect anyone to be bothered by it... I'm sorry. I know i'm lazy and i don't really care about things. I take life too... lightly? I don't take things seriously even though they are. It's how i've been living for the past 16 years and it has been working fine (i guess). But whether you believe it or not, i'll change okay? I'm trying. It's a habit. I know i make promises that i can't keep but please believeee. If even you don't believe in me, i don't think anyone ever will anymore. I didn't have a reason to change in the past but now i do! And the reason is you. So please, don't give up on me. I'm sorry for all the emotional pain i've caused you. Maybe not pain but like, i don't know la. Whatever you call it. I'm sorry that this sunshiney weather keeps raining nowadays. I'm feeling a little off kilter i don't know why but please just now that it's not you, it's me. It has always been me. You on the other hand is awesome and the best. Please don't ever blame yourself. I know you care but please try not to care so much about me because i don't deserve it. I'm sorry that i have no self worth. Whenever you compliment me or something, i'll disagree and stuff and i might even like, point out all my own flaws and basically just shoot myself. I'll try to work something out. Don't know what but i'll try and boost my self esteem :/ I'm sorry i sometimes say things without thinking. Please know that i don't mean it... I know i've said this alot of times but i really can't help it... It just slips out but i really mean no harm :/ I would never want to and i can never bear to hurt you. Everytime i do something wrong, i feel like stabbing myself in the face with a knife. I'm sorry that i'm not good enoughhhhh. I really am. I'm sorry that i'm like that.

Please don't ever think less of yourself or anything. Please please please know and remember that you are really the best. The most awesome girlfriend anyone can ever have and i'm so lucky to have you. Throughout my life, i always feel so... screwed? I dreaded everything but you came along and changed everything. Because of you, i started singing in the shower. Believe it or not, i love singing but i never really felt like singing in the shower. Sometimes i'm even crying but now i'm singing loud and proud. I find myself smiling for no apparent reason. I walk with a skip in my step! Even though you can't see because i can't skip, i feel like i am. HAHA. You send my soul sky high~ Nobody loves me like you do. I never loved anyone as much as you. I never knew i could ever feel this way. 

it's been awhile but here is a song dedication for katy perry...

I know it's time I need to move on

Everyone is sayin' I need to control

The way I'm acting

The things that I'm doing ain't good for me

'Cause I know this time I'm really trippin'

I know that it's deeper than what I'm feelin'

And I realize she's bad for my health

But it's too good just to walk away

She's got me in a daze 

She's got me in a trance

She's got me so thrown tonight 

No, I need to recover

I keep falling back in love

And I know that this girl

She's not the one for me

And I know I'm only makin' it worse

When I let her go then I come on back every time I leave

Every time I leave, every time I leave I keep comin' back

Every time I leave, every time I leave every time I leave

I keep comin' back every time I leave

When I feel like she's out of that system of hers

Something pulls me in then I return to let her use me

I care not how she do me as long as she's around

In my mind I see that I'm slippin'

But I still can't seem to see the difference

My heart is sayin' yes to go

Body's sayin' no to it

I need to get a grip on this

nomnomnom

HI YOU CUTE ASS PIGGY!!!!!!! 

I am currently hungry. Anyways, PLEASE DON'T KILL ME FOR UPLOADING THIS PICTURE HEHEHE. Hmmm. What to say. Right now i just really miss you. It feels weird not having you by my side. I hate saying goodbye to you T.T Heart painnnnnn. Stop being so overly nice to me. As in, like nice can la but don't buy so much things for me!! Seriouslyyyy. NO.

I like how you think too much about some things too. Hahaha! FINALLY. Someone else who share the same kind of thoughts and stuff. Interesting interesting. Horoscopes are very true yesyes. I just don't like it when you mention about us breaking up! I know this kind of thing is possible but don't think about it!! YOU MUST BELIEVE THAT IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN. If even you don't believe it, it's not gonna work out. You know you know? Heh. I also don't know how to say leh. Hmmm. Nevermind. WEE

Okay ah, my brain dead and you sleepy already. GO SLEEP. I love you piggy MUAHH

i have a tummyache now

2nd month and counting!!

I am currently listening to lovey lovey songs and smiling to myself like an idiot~ All these lyrics sounded so dumb to me in the past like PSSH what the hell like WHO WOULD EVER DO THAT! Like, WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU FEEL THIS WAY?! But now i totally completely understand. Love is such a strange and awesome thinggg~ I miss you so much... I love how you look at those small little things i do like just now how you described me when i sleep and stuff. Woahhh. I don't know what else to say :/ You're the best thing that has ever happened to me~ Now till forever, stay my baby! I'm so sorry about my moodswing today!! I blame my "auntie" for "knocking on my door" HAHA. But i don't mean it okay :/ I'm sorry!! I'll try to control it next time. Hehehehehehe.

Oh and thank you so much for the headphones!! You used up like most of your allowance for it x.x Silly gurl. Don't ever do that again! Your hunger is more important ok!!!

Heart on my sleeve

It's 4:12am, i'm all alone and i need you now~~ I suddenly miss you alotalotalotalot. And i realise all i blog about is you now heh. You're my everehthangggggg. In the past whenever people ask me like "How are you?" I'll just answer with a normal "Fine" but now i'm like "I'M VERY FINE!!" and i totally am~ And the reason is youuuUuuuUuuuUuuUuuUu. You're the cause of my happiness~ My heart beats so fast that i can't even keep up with it~ I'm sorry i can't write long chunks of words like you do :/ I have a seriously short attention span!! Butbutbut you know. Words can't express the way i feel for you even though it kinda just did~

It pains me so much to see you sick :/ I would rather be the one being in pain! As long as you can be cured, i don't mind suffering 10 times worst than it! IRON MAN CAN TAKE THIS YAW. Seriously get well soon baby ): I love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Here's my hello, don't say goodbye


In other news, i still don't get why Blake Lewis isn't like super duper successful! So underrated! My blakey. I still like him! His first album is still awesome!! At least to me. Listening to it on replay now :3 Maybe because i'm in love so love songs forever sounds so nice ~.~ It's like a bullet and it's killing killing me~ 

One of our first picture together! Hahahaha! 

HEYLO THERE. My 3 weeks holiday is coming to an end... I will definitely miss this!! 3 weeks of nothing but my babygirl~ Spend so much time just sleeping next to you and i can honestly say it's like, one of the best times of my life. LOL. I'm never gonna leave thisssss bed~

Sorry for being such a sore loser when i play games HAHAHA. Just know that i don't mean any of the things i say okay!!! Just a moment of pekcek-ness. Nerf war is fun! I'm such an ass for spraining my leg -.- Buzzkill! When my leg fully recovers, I'M COMING TO GET YA. And this time, i'mma bring out ALL my guns! HAHA! I reserve my Maverick and Barricade first ah!! Heh

I love our conversations~ Like sometimes we don't even need to talk and we can laugh our fucking ass off. Or sometimes we talk about really stupid things. I don't think you considered that talking. Like just now when you were high on your cough medicine. HAHA SO RIDICULOUS!! Funfunfun. 

Ohmahgawd, monday's gonna be our 2nd monthsary yaw. Thank you for giving me the best 2 months evaaaarrrr. I sound like some dying patient. Thank you for giving me the best last 2 months of my lifeeeee -closes eyes forever- CHOI TOUCHWOOD. YESYES. I want to be with you forever! Till eternity~ Not even death will do us part~ Not even zombies! 

I like seeing you hug my bearbear! It's like you know, i don't know. Like like 2 things that are so close to me are close to each other. FUCK THIS SOUNDS SO CHEESY AND I DUNNO. But yesyes! And now my bearbear smells abit like you~ I like i like. The smell's fading tho D: Hoho. HARP SEALS FOR THE WIN SANNN!!

Hehhehheh. I like this picture la, so adorableeee! Hahahaha. I have been tasked by you to post something for you to read cause you are bored! SO YES, HERE I GOOOOOOO. Let it rain over me~ Since i've never really said much like you always got story story like before when we were not together. I try try also. 

From the start! Orientation week. I remember youuuu! I don't remember you directly talking to me or anything but i remember you saying something like "Wah! Jasmin! People always say i hyper but you're like way more hyper than me sia!" Then even got ranking nia! I'm the most hyper in class, you're the second and shu hong is the third LOL. I swear to god i thought you were those ahlian. I'm still partially right about that HAHA KIDDING. 

What else what else. Not much i guess. Kinda happy that you liked nerf guns too! Cause that time i just started liking them, then no one else seems to be interested and even scold me childish nia! Heartbroken. Then suddenly you this gurl come tell me you wanna go buy em also! AWESOME SAUCE. Happy kiddo cuz got fwen to play with me hahahahahha.

This may sound very dumb but i still can't believe all these is happening!!! Gonna be our 2 months already but woah. Yesyes. So not used to you being not around D: I'm not kidding like usually when i sleep beside you, morning wake up de time no problem. But for the past 2 sundays without you around, my everywhere pain leh. Then after that will get headache and i basically feel like a cui banana~ I LIKE THAT PHRASE YAW. So yes, not only my heart but my mind and body needs you too! The body part sounds abit wrong leh. DON'T THINK IN A WRONG WAY! Heh~ 

I really really really think that you're very pretty and adorable k! You asshole. XP Like you said, now i suddenly can't wait to grow up. Like even more grown up then now la. Wanna move out. Haz a house with you like what you talked about that time. SO AWESOME CAN. Just the thought of it. Wooo. Time faster flyfly please.

I'm still very afraid of losing you~ I mean like, yeah it's normal!!! And i just realise i use alot of the word "like". MY ENGLISH IS FAILING ME. NOoooOoOooOoOooOoooooOooo. Tsk, nvm. Don't ever leave me~ I will never leave you~ I will clean toilets with you LOL. I think everything i typed here i got like say to you before butbutbutbut i can't think of anything else T.T

Thank you for being you. You're the best i ever had, the best i have and the best i will ever have! Infatuation~ Not seeing the rest of you is getting the best of me~ I get scared the moment you leave~ Get so high i forget to breattthhhhhhheeeEeeeEeEeeEeeee. It's a song uh. XD

I love being around you~ I love looking into your eyes~ I love listening to you snore/breathe~ I love the sound of your voice~ I love your face~ I love your smile~ I love your laugh~ I love your pretty hands~ I love how you shoot people! Not shoot me can already~ I love your randomness~ I love your weirdness~ I love your cheesyness~ I love youuuu and everything about youuuuuuuu you you youuu

You're playing word search now. SO CUTE UH YOUR FACE. YOUR SERIOUS FACE. SO ADORABLE. WANNA PINCH YOU. WANNA HUG YOU. TOMORROW. HUG THE FUCK OUT OF YOU YO

Seems like the only thing i'm updating on my blog is the wishlist LOL. Anywhoooo, HELLO. 2nd week of holidays are ending. Or have ended. One last week to gooooooo. All spent with mah babygurl. I like i like hahahaha. But it will probably sucks after school reopen because i can't fall asleep and wake up next to you liao T.T NOOOO. I shall tape a picture of you to my pillow and bolster hahahahaha! Thank you for being so awesome. I love you with all mah heart! Sorry not being good enough. You're seriously way too awesome for me. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN DUMP ME K. LOL. CANNOT. Sleepy uhhh

There was something i wanna say but i got distracted and now i forget TSK. OH OKOK REMEMBERED. The only thing that's ruining my days so far iss.... jeng jeng. MY MUM. Aiyo. I'm sorry baby. I will never ever let her tear us apart! Fuck her yo. She's nobody! You are my everybody! And everything hahahahaha. P.S YOU SNORED ON THE PHONE JUST NOW.

Okay uh, i buay tahan already. Eyes heavy. Gonna go dream of you now. Heh. BYEBYE

I GOT THEM MoOOOoooOOOooooOOOOoooOOOooVES LIKE JAGGER~!

You wanna know how to make me smile?

Take control own me just for the night

And if i share my secret

You're gonna have to keep it

Nobody else can see this~

I wanna spend every waking moment with you. Gahhhhhh i love you so muchhhhhh. Grrrrr. And thank you for everything. Like seriouslyyyy. Thank you for loving me. HAHA. YOU'RE MY SEXY BABY. Weeeeeee