I don't get much from heroes

I don't give them much thought

I crumble under pressure

made of steel I’m not

I don't like my reflection

I don't like what I see

I'm scared of my shadow

it cast this doubt on me

But am I still the one?

Am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain

But when I needed you the most you looked the other way

I wanted you to comfort me the moment we begun

I loved you through your nothingness 

am I still the one?

You’re coming through the windows,

you’re crawling through the floor

You sent the spies to find me,

now they’re kicking down my door

Am I still the one?

I was standing in your shadow just to understand your pain

But when I needed you the most you looked the other way

There’s nothing left but emptiness it’s all been said and done

I know you want me to believe that I’m still the one

So long to the angels

You got me on the run

Tell me that you’ll never leave me again

now you're sorry

Being alone makes me realise how easy it is to kill myself. It really is.

You'll always be beautiful to me <3

Wipe Your Eyes

No comfort, no tissues, no hug and not even a word. Just me and myself, crying. And just so appropriately, a new Maroon 5 song leaked today and it's called wipe your eyes. Here are the lyrics... I'll just imagine Adam's singing this to me... As a comfort...

I'm afraid that I gotta do but I gotta do

But if I let you go, where you gonna go?

We gotta make it change, time to turn the page

Something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you

We've been through couple times, you know it gets worse

We can't I need surround please let me be first

And as I feel your tears spilling on my shirt

Something isn't right I don't wanna fight you

Hey you, come on over and let me embrace you

I know that i'm causing you but pain too

But remember if you need to cry

I'm here to wipe your eyes

Tonight before you fall sleep

I run my thumb across your cheek

Cry, 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

I know I made you feel this pain

You gotta breathe, we'll be okay

Cry, 'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah

'cause i'm here to wipe your eyes

Oh nah nah oh nah nah nah nah

When did we cross the line

How could we could forget

Why do we let the pressure get into our heads

Your broken heart requires all of my attention

'cause something isn't right, I don't wanna fight you

Hey you, come on over and let me embrace you

I know that i'm causing you but pain too

But remember if you need to cry

I'm here to wipe your eyes

Crushed

Yet again, this leg has ruined my life. I made a very... devastating discovery today... Before that, you should know that one of my lifetime dream is to drive a mini cooper/mini coupe. Or both la. But... The thing is... I can't believe i just realise this but i can't drive. Not that i don't know but i can't. Because of my leg. You need your damn leg to press the brake and accelerate right? Well, my right leg can't press down. It can't do shit. Thus, i can't drive. Don't tell me i can because i know how my leg is. I know it's condition. I know it can't be cured. It's my leg. I can't even press the fucking accelerate and you expect me to drive?! Thanks alot... I felt... really sad after i realised this but... i don't know... I just felt really alone at that point of time... I almost cried. Like seriously. My dreams have been ruined before i even got started on working towards it... Goodbye red hot Mini Cooper...

Goodbye Mini Coupe...

In another life, maybe i'll be okay and then i'll drive you.... 

As arrogant as i will sound, i have to say this. Whenever i see people posting about whatever their boyfriends/girlfriends or whatever do things for them, in my mind i'm like CHEH, LIKE THAT ONLY, MY BABY ONE IS BETTER. Sorry!! My inner voice just screams that out hahahaha. Actually by the "people" i mean one specific person XP HELLO, STOP BROADCASTING EVERY SINGLE THING ON FACEBOOK!!!!! Acting like it's such a big deal. If i post everything that my baby has done for me, you can step aside BIATCH! You're nothing. My baby is the best!! 

The thought of losing someone is... scary... and sad. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Urgh fuck why am i such a cry baby. Someone needs to slap some sense into me. I can't help but feel insecure. After so much things, is it really me? My fault? But why is it always me who has to admit a mistake. Why is it always me who has to make things better? Why me? Why can't someone else do the same for me? Or maybe they did but i can't see it. I don't even fucking know. It's just really tiring having to deal with these things...

I don't think i'm kinda or whatever because i do those things because i think they SHOULD be done. I don't have any live examples now but sometimes people are like woah you so kind but in my mind i'm thinking, isn't this what a normal person would do? It's humanity... I guess... And i'm super sensitive towards other people's feelings. As in when they're sad, i know. But sometimes i just say things without realising. I'm sorry about that. I really am. But when i can't cheer someone up, i blame myself. I blame myself for not being good enough :/ 

Honestly speaking, i watch those videos of why people shouldn't suicide and stuff. In my mind i'm just disagreeing with them all the way. They say things will get better and suicide won't solve anything. Well, i think it does. At least it ends everything once and for all. You don't have to wait around. Even if things do get better, how much better can they get? Just a bare minimum? Or even if they get awesome, what goes up must come down right? Then we'll be in that familiar spot again. Feeling shitty like before. Everything good that happened was just... a... i don't know...? It doesn't last. It just doesn't. I want it to last. Who doesn't right? I may still be in a honeymoon mood but what if the other party has moved on to reality? And eventually move out of your life? What about me? Sure, i'm happy that they're happy. But not really. 

I had this moment when i was sleeping but i woke up yet i feel like i'm still dreaming and i tried very hard to go back to sleep because i was having this dream which i cannot remember what it was already. Then my eyes just felt really heavy like something was forcing them to close? I just couldn't push them open. My eyes were barely opened and everything i see was a blur. I could feel drool coming out of my mouth and i tried to close my mouth but i can't. It was just stuck there, hanging open. I couldn't even move? I was just stuck there trying to sleep and wake up at the same time. I woke up afterwards feeling super confused. What the fuck just happened?

And i've been sleeping alot lately? Usually i can survive throughout the day but now i just keep falling asleep at random places -.- I even fell asleep in class like twice? Or was it once? I was feeling super awake but i just suddenly dozed off... Tskk fuck. Not forgetting the stupid automatic behaviour shizz? I do things that i don't even remember laksjdlkajsdlkajsdlkj If i do normal things can but i scolded baby on like almost all occasions x.x Blearh

):

I miss you... ): How?