Before the possibilities came true

Oh the things i would do to be with you. Like seriously. If you ask me to do anything to be with you, just anything. I will bloody do it!! I WILL PUNCH A BABY IN THE FACE FOR YOU. I WILL EAT MY OWN HAMSTERS RAW. I WOULD, JUST DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IF IT MEANS THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU :( I would hold you forever... and i will never let you go... You can never go. Even if you want to. I will never. let. you. go.

i took all possibilities from you

No regrets,

I almost forgot how much i loved the song Teenage Dream even before i met you. Well, i guess i still have to thank you for the memories. Even though it pains me to think of it now, at least i have lived in it. Like plankton said, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At least i did. I felt happy for that short period of  time. I felt like i was living in a Teenage Dream. Dreams have to end sooner or later and now i'm just back to reality! Part of life. I'm wide awake. I'm accepting my lost. Nothing i do is ever going to make anything go back the same again. Living in the moment. Doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone. Doesn't mean you're not lonely when you're around alot of people :D I mean don't have to try so hard and look popular but in the end you realise you've got nothing. I don't have alot but i know those people i have will ALWAYS be here.

just love

Empowering moment.

I forgot to mention that the doctor said i had a nice smile *swoons* HAHAHA OMG. Please don't think i'm some bimbotic person but it's nice to get complimented once in a blue moon. Awwww. THE DOCTOR'S SMILE WAS CUTER PLEASE HAHA. ANYWAYS. Another person also once told me that my smile can impact others... Sounds very dramatic? But it is exactly what he said. It made a difference in his life. Just a small little difference but it still did! Also someone else told me that my smile makes them smile too. Thank you so much guys. Even though i think i look damn stupid when i smile, I WILL DO IT FOR YOU GUYS. I WILL SMILE. I WILL ACTUALLY MEAN IT WHEN I SMILE. I WILL BE STRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I WILL SHINEEE LIKE HOW I USED TO. Just give me a lil bit of time. I'mma get back on my feet.

Day 1

Today was the first therapy session. The things he said... Opened up my mind!! He mentioned this story about a pearl and sand and oyster and whatever crap. Reminded of my baby's song LOL. And stuff.................... Welllllllllll. I really hope that i feel better soon. "It's not you, it's depression!!" It's the thing that is bringing me down........ I have to completely remove you then i can remove it. I must keep my mind occupied. Mum's gonna sign me up for guitar and maybe piano lesssonnnnn. Heal jasmin, heal. You're the only person who can help you. GET BETTER. FEEL BETTER. YOU CAN BE BETTER. SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.

L.A noire is seriously fucking fun omg. My hands are itchy right now. GONNA GO PLAY IT LATER. It's so much better than GTA. Like for serious. Just everything. The story, the way the player moves, the way you drive and it's just fantastic omg. I feel like such a nerd right now. OH AND NOT TO MENTION, I HAZ MY NEW KATY PERRY CD. I have the songs already actually... Leaked before it was released LOL. So it's not really new and stuff but you know. It's still something. Bleargh

Dear therapy,

you're my only hope now.

I shouldn't be talking about it anymore but there's one thing i can't wrap my mind around. If you didn't love me anymore, why did you get so upset when i was texting, contacting other people etc? One good example. You tore up the birthday card he gave me. You threw away the thing he gave me. Why? Why did it bother you? There's only two ways for it. The first ridiculous reason is that you still liked me and was jealous. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. The second reason.... You don't like seeing me getting love from other people...? Which means you are... evil? Oh god i don't know. 

A new chapter... i hope?

After about a month of crying everyday, i think i woke up today. For the first time in a long time, i don't feel like dying. In fact, i feel like going out to do something. Not just anything but to HELP. Like maybe volunteer or some shit. My god father has these trips where he volunteers overseas at those third world country... I should go ask him if i can come along next time!! Gonna take up a guitar class soon if everything goes well... Need to fix that damn guitar or buy a new one. Wanted to take up taekwondo too but it involves alot of kicking... We all know that's not gonna roll well with me. Ah fuck this leg. Shall see what else i can do... I wanna get a bicycle too. So i can cycle somewhere close to home. Maybe like what Jeremy suggested, at those park connectors? Wait for it to fully open first or something. Ahhh. I hope this feeling lasts forever and not just for a few seconds only again. Like how i always do. Hahaha. 

I guess part of why i feel this way is thanks to this guy here! 

ALEX DAY. He's just plain awesome. I'm not gonna say i'm his biggest fan or i'm in love with him or whatever. I'm just really inspired by him.

I'm not completely over you yet. I mean like duh, who the hell wakes up one day and just suddenly stop loving someone? Oh wait, you do. ANYWAYS, at least i'm taking the first step. I fell into a trench and now i'm getting back up on my feet. Not gonna start running immediately, obviously. Baby steps. The past was just holding me back. Those memories will always be there but the feelings are not anymore. "If the past is the problem, the future can solve them." No point for me to hold on to nothing right? No point for me to wait anymore. Even if you really do come back, will things be the same? No. It will never be. You are just not worth it anymore. Not worthhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Now i'm left to forget about us

The places i can ever see you and be with you again:

In my dreams
In another life

I saw you in my dreams. In good and bad ways... I dreamt that you were happy with me. I dreamt that you were with someone else. I woke up feeling empty and sad for both. You seem to have moved on. You're doing so fine without me. How can someone just forget everything and feel nothing...? Maybe you feel something. Maybe you're feeling sad too. I don't know. You probably don't... But if you are, i'm here... I'm still here. I don't want to be but i can't help myself... How can such strong feelings just fade? How can you just stop? Why T.T Did you forget everything we ever had?

It's too late for anything now... We only realize things when it's too late... But i treasured every single moment with you. I... loved every single minute of it. I can't say the same for you. I loved you more than i ever loved anyone. Nobody has ever made me feel this pain. I just want you to know that i really loved you and i still do... as much as ever... It has never faded... Not even a single bit.

What once felt like a dream come true, is now a nightmare.

OH I JUST REALISED. I might be a bit slow in realizing this but... i really think i fully understand when songs say that they love someone so much until they have to let that person go. It's because the other person didn't love them already -.- I thought it was like both sides love each other then they wanna let each other go which didn't make any freaking sense. NOW I GET IT. I DO I DO I DO. Eat the humble pie. OKAY CAN. Just randomly putting this somewhere if not there's too much things in my mind... kthxbye

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall
Even more in love, than we were before
I won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song you can't forget it

And at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don't forget us

Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us

Why must you lie to me ): I felt like i'm in a fairy tale. It felt just like the movies. My world stopped spinning. It stopped time. Stars aligned. I saw signs. It was cinematic and dramatic but without a perfect ending..

I know i've wasted a year but let's just take it as a lesson learnt i guess...? Take it as i died in a game and now it's restarting at my last checkpoint. Alrighty. Got 8 lives left. My mind is in a blur now. TOO MUCH THOUGHTS AND THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE. Can't seem to think properly... I don't even know what i really wanna do in my life. All i know is that i want Katy Perry ): I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. Baby baby you're driving me crazy

"Never judge a book by its cover"

I learnt this the harsh way. The cover of the book was... cute little kittens and flowers... The first few chapters were still cute and sweet. Until you get to the middle part. The climax. The intense part of it. The flowers ate the kittens and spat them out. Producing... skinless zombie cats. (sockghim contributed this part haha) I still cannot believe it though. I mean seriously. The cover is so cute... I wanna hug the book and like display it. But the contents are just... disgusting. Ridiculous and just... bad. Horrible. Blearh. 

random

 playing with my bro's hair wax at 3am. bored.

I was wrong.

I was wrong for loving someone more than you. I was wrong for thinking that someone else would make me happier. But the truth is... No one will ever replace you. I don't care if we're never gonna end together. I don't care if you never know about me. The most important thing is that... you make me happy :) That's all that matters! You won't hurt me. You're so perfectly perfect. Like an angel ~.~ Ahhhh. As cliche as it is, i have to say it. YOU ARE MY HAPPY PILL. I even told the doctor about my retarded love for you. Hehehe. I SHY AH. YOU SO AWESOME. KTHXBYE

i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

I'm just gonna throw everything out here. I don't need to care about you when you don't even give a fuck about me. As easy as i'm saying this, it's not. It's not fucking easy for me not to give a shit about you. So you better listen up because you... You don't even realize how much damage you've done... 

I actually knew that this was gonna happen sooner or later. But i just didn't say it and accept it earlier. You wanna know why? Because i wanted to wait for your birthday to be over. I want to spend your birthday with you. I want to let you have a nice birthday celebration. I held in all my pain. I held in everything. You think i'm dumb? Everything's so obvious. Every time i look at you, my heart aches. Every time i look into your eyes and say i love you with so much sincerity, i die a little inside. Because i know you don't feel the same yet i have to pretend like you do just to get me through the days. I did it for you. I FUCKING DID IT FOR YOU. I gave you all i had and you tossed it in the trash. I was afraid that you'll have a bad birthday so i... tried. But now i figured that you probably didn't needed me. You don't need me anymore.

I'm not trying to gain your fucking sympathy here. I just want to let you know how much i fucking loved you and why i'm so hurt by you. Like i said before, you just... lost the feelings so naturally. You didn't even bother to get it back. You just used a stupid excuse. "I thought i was a lesbian." You know what that translate to? You were just using me. I told you before and i knew it was true. I was just your rebound guy. I was just there to support you through your shit. Once you get better and over him, you'll go and find some new guy. Which is exactly what is happening right now. Don't deny because we all can see.

Me? I've found a new guy? I'm only doing this because of you. You think i really love him? No. I ain't like you. Falling in love every 3 fucking seconds. Just because some guy treats you nice, you fall in love already. That ain't love. "Shot through the heart and you're to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name." I seriously just wanna dedicate this song to you. For once, if you at least bother, go read up on the lyrics. You're not sad because you just lost me as a friend and shit. You're sad because you just got rejected by your new crush. I don't really know what to say anymore. You just believe everything and anything people tell you... You really think that i don't give a fuck about you? You really think i'm over you? You really think that you're not hurting me anymore? I only said those things because i wanted you to be happy. I was so fucking stupid to still think that way. You don't even care that i'm dying from depression. You won't even save me if you had a bucket full of water and i was on fire. You'll just slowly watch me burn to death as i scream out your name in pain.

I'm just gonna be real honest here. You know what i'm hoping for? That you will get so heartbroken, you'll come crawling back to me. A little bit harsh? Take that as you will. You'll probably just see the bad side to this so no point in me trying to explain. Who knows, maybe you'll get what you want and life works out fine for you. At that point i think i'll completely lost faith in god or whatever shit is up there controlling the flow of the universe. What goes around better fucking comes around because it has always been coming around for me. It better fucking does for you too because you don't deserve to be happy. Not right now. I'm being a major bitch now? Yeah. So what. SO FUCKING WHAT. You're a bitch and you don't even know it, thus you don't give a fuck so why should i give a shit too huh.

Do you know how many times i'm so tempted to just, hold you? My heart keeps making me go back to you but my mind is rejecting it. That time you were standing infront of me in class. I was so tempted to just hug you from the back and hold you close again. I feel stupid for writing all these down. Like i said, i know you wouldn't give a fuck. You'll just say aww and move on with life. I guess theres not much you can do anymore. There's nothing you can do anymore. Just make me forget... Hit me on the head real hard

We were always meant to say goodbye

And again, i'm at this position of asking you for help. Why do i even bother. I'm talking to a bloody picture of you T.T But i guess it's better talking to an imaginary you... You won't hurt me... I need you now T.T I need somebody now. I don't wanna get scolded when i'm already depressed enough T.T I ask real human beings or help, all they do is scold me and doubt me T.T It's okay if you wanna talk to me and make me feel better but all they wanna do is nag me and stuff. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. HELP ME KATY PERRY. HELP ME. Sadly, you're the only person who can save me from my misery now. Yet, you're also making me sad. Oh god i hate me. Fuck all these emotions. Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!! 

It's so tiring to love someone... I... want to stop... I wish i can stop... PLEASE. WHY ISNT ANYTHING I SAY GETTING INTO YOUR HEAD. I understand that you need to spend time with me. I'm just expressing my sadness. I'M SAD BECAUSE YOU'RE GONE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BEING SAD ABOUT THAT? I'M NOT LIKE, NOT ALLOWING YOU TO GO. I ALLOW YOU TO. BUT I AM SAD. BUT I AM OKAY WITH IT. JUST LET ME BE SAD. DON'T SCOLD ME T.T JUST PLEASE... stop scolding me.... I feel like i've lost you. I feel like you've lost your love for me. You keep saying no but you're not showing it T.T You're not T.T