Before the possibilities came true

Oh the things i would do to be with you. Like seriously. If you ask me to do anything to be with you, just anything. I will bloody do it!! I WILL PUNCH A BABY IN THE FACE FOR YOU. I WILL EAT MY OWN HAMSTERS RAW. I WOULD, JUST DO ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING IF IT MEANS THAT I CAN BE WITH YOU :( I would hold you forever... and i will never let you go... You can never go. Even if you want to. I will never. let. you. go.

i took all possibilities from you

No regrets,

I almost forgot how much i loved the song Teenage Dream even before i met you. Well, i guess i still have to thank you for the memories. Even though it pains me to think of it now, at least i have lived in it. Like plankton said, it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. At least i did. I felt happy for that short period of  time. I felt like i was living in a Teenage Dream. Dreams have to end sooner or later and now i'm just back to reality! Part of life. I'm wide awake. I'm accepting my lost. Nothing i do is ever going to make anything go back the same again. Living in the moment. Doesn't mean i'm lonely when i'm alone. Doesn't mean you're not lonely when you're around alot of people :D I mean don't have to try so hard and look popular but in the end you realise you've got nothing. I don't have alot but i know those people i have will ALWAYS be here.

just love

Empowering moment.

I forgot to mention that the doctor said i had a nice smile *swoons* HAHAHA OMG. Please don't think i'm some bimbotic person but it's nice to get complimented once in a blue moon. Awwww. THE DOCTOR'S SMILE WAS CUTER PLEASE HAHA. ANYWAYS. Another person also once told me that my smile can impact others... Sounds very dramatic? But it is exactly what he said. It made a difference in his life. Just a small little difference but it still did! Also someone else told me that my smile makes them smile too. Thank you so much guys. Even though i think i look damn stupid when i smile, I WILL DO IT FOR YOU GUYS. I WILL SMILE. I WILL ACTUALLY MEAN IT WHEN I SMILE. I WILL BE STRONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG. I WILL SHINEEE LIKE HOW I USED TO. Just give me a lil bit of time. I'mma get back on my feet.

Day 1

Today was the first therapy session. The things he said... Opened up my mind!! He mentioned this story about a pearl and sand and oyster and whatever crap. Reminded of my baby's song LOL. And stuff.................... Welllllllllll. I really hope that i feel better soon. "It's not you, it's depression!!" It's the thing that is bringing me down........ I have to completely remove you then i can remove it. I must keep my mind occupied. Mum's gonna sign me up for guitar and maybe piano lesssonnnnn. Heal jasmin, heal. You're the only person who can help you. GET BETTER. FEEL BETTER. YOU CAN BE BETTER. SHE'S NOT WORTH IT.

L.A noire is seriously fucking fun omg. My hands are itchy right now. GONNA GO PLAY IT LATER. It's so much better than GTA. Like for serious. Just everything. The story, the way the player moves, the way you drive and it's just fantastic omg. I feel like such a nerd right now. OH AND NOT TO MENTION, I HAZ MY NEW KATY PERRY CD. I have the songs already actually... Leaked before it was released LOL. So it's not really new and stuff but you know. It's still something. Bleargh

Dear therapy,

you're my only hope now.

I shouldn't be talking about it anymore but there's one thing i can't wrap my mind around. If you didn't love me anymore, why did you get so upset when i was texting, contacting other people etc? One good example. You tore up the birthday card he gave me. You threw away the thing he gave me. Why? Why did it bother you? There's only two ways for it. The first ridiculous reason is that you still liked me and was jealous. HAHAHA YEAH RIGHT. The second reason.... You don't like seeing me getting love from other people...? Which means you are... evil? Oh god i don't know. 

A new chapter... i hope?

After about a month of crying everyday, i think i woke up today. For the first time in a long time, i don't feel like dying. In fact, i feel like going out to do something. Not just anything but to HELP. Like maybe volunteer or some shit. My god father has these trips where he volunteers overseas at those third world country... I should go ask him if i can come along next time!! Gonna take up a guitar class soon if everything goes well... Need to fix that damn guitar or buy a new one. Wanted to take up taekwondo too but it involves alot of kicking... We all know that's not gonna roll well with me. Ah fuck this leg. Shall see what else i can do... I wanna get a bicycle too. So i can cycle somewhere close to home. Maybe like what Jeremy suggested, at those park connectors? Wait for it to fully open first or something. Ahhh. I hope this feeling lasts forever and not just for a few seconds only again. Like how i always do. Hahaha. 

I guess part of why i feel this way is thanks to this guy here! 

ALEX DAY. He's just plain awesome. I'm not gonna say i'm his biggest fan or i'm in love with him or whatever. I'm just really inspired by him.

I'm not completely over you yet. I mean like duh, who the hell wakes up one day and just suddenly stop loving someone? Oh wait, you do. ANYWAYS, at least i'm taking the first step. I fell into a trench and now i'm getting back up on my feet. Not gonna start running immediately, obviously. Baby steps. The past was just holding me back. Those memories will always be there but the feelings are not anymore. "If the past is the problem, the future can solve them." No point for me to hold on to nothing right? No point for me to wait anymore. Even if you really do come back, will things be the same? No. It will never be. You are just not worth it anymore. Not worthhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Now i'm left to forget about us

The places i can ever see you and be with you again:

In my dreams
In another life

I saw you in my dreams. In good and bad ways... I dreamt that you were happy with me. I dreamt that you were with someone else. I woke up feeling empty and sad for both. You seem to have moved on. You're doing so fine without me. How can someone just forget everything and feel nothing...? Maybe you feel something. Maybe you're feeling sad too. I don't know. You probably don't... But if you are, i'm here... I'm still here. I don't want to be but i can't help myself... How can such strong feelings just fade? How can you just stop? Why T.T Did you forget everything we ever had?

It's too late for anything now... We only realize things when it's too late... But i treasured every single moment with you. I... loved every single minute of it. I can't say the same for you. I loved you more than i ever loved anyone. Nobody has ever made me feel this pain. I just want you to know that i really loved you and i still do... as much as ever... It has never faded... Not even a single bit.

What once felt like a dream come true, is now a nightmare.

OH I JUST REALISED. I might be a bit slow in realizing this but... i really think i fully understand when songs say that they love someone so much until they have to let that person go. It's because the other person didn't love them already -.- I thought it was like both sides love each other then they wanna let each other go which didn't make any freaking sense. NOW I GET IT. I DO I DO I DO. Eat the humble pie. OKAY CAN. Just randomly putting this somewhere if not there's too much things in my mind... kthxbye

Did you forget that I was even alive?
Did you forget everything we ever had?
Did you forget about me?

Did you regret ever standing by my side?
Did you forget we were feeling inside?
Now I'm left to forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song, you can't forget it

So now I guess this is where we have to stand
Did you regret ever holding my hand?
Never again, please don't forget

We had it all, we were just about to fall
Even more in love, than we were before
I won't forget about us

But somewhere we went wrong
We were once so strong
Our love is like a song you can't forget it

And at last all the pictures have been burned
And all the past is just a lesson that we've learned
I won't forget, please don't forget us

Somewhere we went wrong
Our love is like a song but you won't sing along
You've forgotten about us

Why must you lie to me ): I felt like i'm in a fairy tale. It felt just like the movies. My world stopped spinning. It stopped time. Stars aligned. I saw signs. It was cinematic and dramatic but without a perfect ending..

I know i've wasted a year but let's just take it as a lesson learnt i guess...? Take it as i died in a game and now it's restarting at my last checkpoint. Alrighty. Got 8 lives left. My mind is in a blur now. TOO MUCH THOUGHTS AND THEY ARE ALL OVER THE PLACE. Can't seem to think properly... I don't even know what i really wanna do in my life. All i know is that i want Katy Perry ): I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing. Baby baby you're driving me crazy

"Never judge a book by its cover"

I learnt this the harsh way. The cover of the book was... cute little kittens and flowers... The first few chapters were still cute and sweet. Until you get to the middle part. The climax. The intense part of it. The flowers ate the kittens and spat them out. Producing... skinless zombie cats. (sockghim contributed this part haha) I still cannot believe it though. I mean seriously. The cover is so cute... I wanna hug the book and like display it. But the contents are just... disgusting. Ridiculous and just... bad. Horrible. Blearh. 

random

 playing with my bro's hair wax at 3am. bored.