I was wrong.

I was wrong for loving someone more than you. I was wrong for thinking that someone else would make me happier. But the truth is... No one will ever replace you. I don't care if we're never gonna end together. I don't care if you never know about me. The most important thing is that... you make me happy :) That's all that matters! You won't hurt me. You're so perfectly perfect. Like an angel ~.~ Ahhhh. As cliche as it is, i have to say it. YOU ARE MY HAPPY PILL. I even told the doctor about my retarded love for you. Hehehe. I SHY AH. YOU SO AWESOME. KTHXBYE

i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me

I'm just gonna throw everything out here. I don't need to care about you when you don't even give a fuck about me. As easy as i'm saying this, it's not. It's not fucking easy for me not to give a shit about you. So you better listen up because you... You don't even realize how much damage you've done... 

I actually knew that this was gonna happen sooner or later. But i just didn't say it and accept it earlier. You wanna know why? Because i wanted to wait for your birthday to be over. I want to spend your birthday with you. I want to let you have a nice birthday celebration. I held in all my pain. I held in everything. You think i'm dumb? Everything's so obvious. Every time i look at you, my heart aches. Every time i look into your eyes and say i love you with so much sincerity, i die a little inside. Because i know you don't feel the same yet i have to pretend like you do just to get me through the days. I did it for you. I FUCKING DID IT FOR YOU. I gave you all i had and you tossed it in the trash. I was afraid that you'll have a bad birthday so i... tried. But now i figured that you probably didn't needed me. You don't need me anymore.

I'm not trying to gain your fucking sympathy here. I just want to let you know how much i fucking loved you and why i'm so hurt by you. Like i said before, you just... lost the feelings so naturally. You didn't even bother to get it back. You just used a stupid excuse. "I thought i was a lesbian." You know what that translate to? You were just using me. I told you before and i knew it was true. I was just your rebound guy. I was just there to support you through your shit. Once you get better and over him, you'll go and find some new guy. Which is exactly what is happening right now. Don't deny because we all can see.

Me? I've found a new guy? I'm only doing this because of you. You think i really love him? No. I ain't like you. Falling in love every 3 fucking seconds. Just because some guy treats you nice, you fall in love already. That ain't love. "Shot through the heart and you're to blame. Darling, you give love a bad name." I seriously just wanna dedicate this song to you. For once, if you at least bother, go read up on the lyrics. You're not sad because you just lost me as a friend and shit. You're sad because you just got rejected by your new crush. I don't really know what to say anymore. You just believe everything and anything people tell you... You really think that i don't give a fuck about you? You really think i'm over you? You really think that you're not hurting me anymore? I only said those things because i wanted you to be happy. I was so fucking stupid to still think that way. You don't even care that i'm dying from depression. You won't even save me if you had a bucket full of water and i was on fire. You'll just slowly watch me burn to death as i scream out your name in pain.

I'm just gonna be real honest here. You know what i'm hoping for? That you will get so heartbroken, you'll come crawling back to me. A little bit harsh? Take that as you will. You'll probably just see the bad side to this so no point in me trying to explain. Who knows, maybe you'll get what you want and life works out fine for you. At that point i think i'll completely lost faith in god or whatever shit is up there controlling the flow of the universe. What goes around better fucking comes around because it has always been coming around for me. It better fucking does for you too because you don't deserve to be happy. Not right now. I'm being a major bitch now? Yeah. So what. SO FUCKING WHAT. You're a bitch and you don't even know it, thus you don't give a fuck so why should i give a shit too huh.

Do you know how many times i'm so tempted to just, hold you? My heart keeps making me go back to you but my mind is rejecting it. That time you were standing infront of me in class. I was so tempted to just hug you from the back and hold you close again. I feel stupid for writing all these down. Like i said, i know you wouldn't give a fuck. You'll just say aww and move on with life. I guess theres not much you can do anymore. There's nothing you can do anymore. Just make me forget... Hit me on the head real hard

We were always meant to say goodbye

And again, i'm at this position of asking you for help. Why do i even bother. I'm talking to a bloody picture of you T.T But i guess it's better talking to an imaginary you... You won't hurt me... I need you now T.T I need somebody now. I don't wanna get scolded when i'm already depressed enough T.T I ask real human beings or help, all they do is scold me and doubt me T.T It's okay if you wanna talk to me and make me feel better but all they wanna do is nag me and stuff. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE. HELP ME KATY PERRY. HELP ME. Sadly, you're the only person who can save me from my misery now. Yet, you're also making me sad. Oh god i hate me. Fuck all these emotions. Fuck fuck fuck!!!!!!! 

It's so tiring to love someone... I... want to stop... I wish i can stop... PLEASE. WHY ISNT ANYTHING I SAY GETTING INTO YOUR HEAD. I understand that you need to spend time with me. I'm just expressing my sadness. I'M SAD BECAUSE YOU'RE GONE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH BEING SAD ABOUT THAT? I'M NOT LIKE, NOT ALLOWING YOU TO GO. I ALLOW YOU TO. BUT I AM SAD. BUT I AM OKAY WITH IT. JUST LET ME BE SAD. DON'T SCOLD ME T.T JUST PLEASE... stop scolding me.... I feel like i've lost you. I feel like you've lost your love for me. You keep saying no but you're not showing it T.T You're not T.T 

"The first couple of months or even years it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets to busy, or doesn't even bother to try. You know why? Because they're comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you'll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren't afraid to lose them because they're yours."

I'm still afraid of losing you. I'm still trying. You aren't anymore. You always ask me not to think so much but maybe you're just thinking too less... It's okay to be comfortable but... at times... just try. Please. JUST FUCKING TRY T.T I'm so tired of crying of crying over you T.T

Why do all the shitty people get the good things? What did they do to fucking deserve it? Ah whatever la. Life's unfair. God doesn't exist. Even if whichever god does, they are doing a horrible job. Punish me for saying this la. Whatever man. Don't believe in anything anymore.