i just wanna see the light

I love her legs :3 Random ah but yeah. Randomly came across this picture so yeahhh. Sexy :3

It's not that i don't wanna listen or that i'm not happy for you... I AM happy for you it's just that... Whenever i tell you something that made me happy or something good that happened, you always always ALWAYS have something to top it off. It makes my happiness look like a load of crap. You know? It's like, whatever thing that happens to me, no matter how happy i am, your life is always way better than mine. You always crush my happy moments... It's like, how do i put this... The things in your life that you DON'T want are the things that I WANT. I see you having all those things but you don't even seem to be appreciating it :/ It makes me sound like some selfish bitch like no one can be happier than me... They can... It's just that... I feel very miserable with my pathetic things... Tell me what to do wifey. TELL ME. Oh who am i kidding... I'll never get a chance to talk to you :/ I'll still love you...

Very sick of all the shortlived happiness :/ What happen to all the good old days when i'm just happy with everything and never feeling this hurt? I used to be 100% crazily happy but now... It's just on the surface ): I don't wanna feel sad... I don't wanna feel anything... Help? Ah to hell with it. I've asked for help so many damn times but nobody ever does or give a damn. I give up ah. Don't need help from you guys. I will fucking do whatever i can to get by these horrible days... I thought about getting some PROFESSIONAL~ help but it's expensive... And i don't know and how to find one... If i tell my mum, she's either gonna over react or think that i'm over reacting... Argh. Fuck this. The only moments i like are the times spent with my wifey :/ And by that i mean listening to her sing, watch her videos and pictures... Buai.

scratching

Thank you ah ghim ♥♥♥♥♥

Heyho. Went to a wedding in malaysia. Not much to report. I really hate it when relatives who don't know shit about me starts lecturing, nagging and criticizing me. The worst thing is that i can't defend myself because it'll seem like i'm trying to argue with them and it's disrespectful. All i can do is sit there and listen to their crap. Yes i know they're trying to help or whatever but all they're really doing is making people feel inadequate about themselves! For example they lecture to you about being kind and shit. But what if you are already a very kind person? They're like asking you to be kind when you're already very kind. It'll make you feel like all the things you've been doing are for nothing. Everyone looks at me and think that i'm just a spoiled brat? Like a kiddo who won't do charity or some shit like that. I DO OKAY. You guys are fucking jerks. Everytime i say things like "I'll donate to blahblah when i start earning money in the future", you guys will be like "YEAH RIGHT" Fuck off, i'm being serious k. Douchebags.

Meh, enough about those. Some people just think they're right all the time and think that they know everything. Pisses the crap out of me. Moving onnnnnn. The only nice part is that on a trip back to my aunt's house from the restaurant, there were tons of stars scattered across the night sky. It's not those puny little stars you see in Singapore but it's big, bright and shiny stars. So pretty!! and lastly...

BAM. My left eye abit swollen... Tsk. I wanna hide my face ah. Don't wanna go out. AND YAY. Katy Perry iPhone cover. Happy is meeee. Sian, school tomorrow. kbye

I am considerate. At least i try to. I try to think of other people's feeling before saying something. I treat people nicely and what crap. BUT DO PEOPLE DO THE SAME BACK TO ME? NO. BECAUSE I'M ALWAYS FUCKING LAUGHING AND JOKING THEY THINK THEY CAN JUST HURT ME AND I'LL LAUGH IT OFF. NO. I'M VERY VERY VERY SENSITIVE BECAUSE I HAVE NO FUCKING SELF ESTEEEM.

Treat others the way you wanna be treated so they will treat you back the same? TOTAL FUCKING BULLCRAP. I DIDN'T IGNORE YOU FOR NO REASON. I DIDN'T CANCEL OF YOU LAST MINTUE FOR LIKE IDK HOW MANY TIMES. I DIDN'T NOT LOVE YOU. I LOVED YOU WITH ALL MY HEART. BUT WHAT DID YOU DO. NOTHINGGG. OH WAIT YOU DID SOMETHING. BROKE MY HEART AND THREW IT AWAYYY. SCATTERED INTO THE SEA. NOW I CAN'T FIND THE DAMN PIECES. Fuck this bull crap i want to die .

I hope i die in my sleep later. k goodnight.

random twisted thought

I wouldn't mind if Katy Perry kidnapped me... HAHA. WHO WOULD MIND RIGHT. Like reallyyyy. I was bored the other day then i was just thinking of what would happen if i was kidnapped by her. Torture meee~ STUPID AH. You guys probably think i'm nuts but i can't help it T.T Maybe i'm just really sick of my own life and i just wanna be... away from here... Prefably with Katy and even if it's under such extreme circumstances, i don't mind. Like, be her maid also can la. As long as i'm around her, i'm contented... Sigh.

I'm probably gonna be forever alone due to this ah. HAHA. Expectations too high. And i'm kinda scared and paranoid about getting my heart broken again and those same old shit so yeah... At least wifey doesn't hurt me :/ I would rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute. Sleepy so abit... not thinking straight now... Sigh sigh. I just wanna let out a huge sighhhh. ):

styrofoam balls

OI GOOGLE CHROME IS CURRENTLY BEING A MEGA ASSHOLEE. I WANNA LOG INTO BLOGGER ALSO CANNOT. Have to use this shitty internet explorer. Heh. ANYWAYS! Wahliew, i got the primary school kiddos at the Agape camp. Speaking of Agape, i don't like the name siol... Ah ga peh. Can't you name it something more appealingggggg huh. KKKK. I hope they're nice la. Don't torture me please. I scared of you guys

Today in school was the usual. Laugh until tired and do stupid things. Saw hayati went going home then went to meet viknesh with her. LOL. I was really high i don't know why~ That kinda rhymed~ I fell asleep on the bus on the way home siol!!!! I just hope i didn't snore or anything cuz there was a guy sitting infront of me. Tsk.

Wah, my mum come home late then want me to cook myself. I wanna do baked rice. Got cheese, got meat but NO RICE. I wanna make a burger, got meat, got cheese, got veggie, NO BREAD. THE HELLL. Aiya, now i just throw whatever i got into the pan and fry the crap outta it.

Tomolo needa go malaysia ah. Stress ah. And need to finish my CE powerpoint. SOOO Lazy!! Even tho my topic is interesting? Hehheh. ZOMBIES LEH. My blogskin like very dark hor. I feel sad looking at it. Might change it lataaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Mehmeh. I like my class... I think? I don't know. At least the lessons are interesting. The practical part only ah. Hehehehe. K, gonna go eat, watch rui en and play assassin's creed. BUAI

i know i look very cui. shhhh

I like Miss Gladys :o She's nice!! The guys say her S&W lessons are like boot camp but i disagree leh. She so nice?? Like so caring siol. Cause you know my leg exempted mah, then i wanted to play abitabit of the badminton and she's like super concern and even reprimanded Ayu for not hitting the shuttlecock directly at me =X HAHA. In the end she played badminton with me. Kinda weird... I don't know why. Haha! Then when sometimes she hit the shuttlecock sideways, she'll apologize? Like omg! I don't deserve that sorry x.x I feel guilty when people apologize for nothing. Meh. LASTLY, she say my badminton skill not bad wor hehe. She was like so impressed because i don't play badminton much given my condition. Okay enough about her -.-

I feel really sad whenever i reach home I DON'T KNOW WHY. But just now when i went to buy my magazine, there was a rush of adrenaline and endorphins(?) when i saw my wifey's face peeking out from the shelves. I was smiling like an idiot to myself. Heh. You're the only one i want :3 Felt really happy when i'm holding it but now i'm suddenly sad again. Very sick of this feeling :/ How?

Can't remember what else i wanted to say :/ Meh. So tired T.T I don't wanna do anything. I wanna have a GAMING MARATHON. NON STOP XBOX FUN. Wait for me to get like Assassin's Creed first... I want ahhhh how how.

OOO OKAY I REMEMBER. Now after i've gotten over you, like not infatuated already, i realise you're really sorta very... crappy... I don't even know why i liked you. So blinddddddddd. To whoever is writing my life story, you suck man. Or to whoever is using me as a character in their sims, YOU GUYS SUCK AT PLAYING MAN. Horrible. Anyways, i'm not gonna assume anything now. I don't wanna put anything into that if not if my heart gets broken again, i will... i don't know la. Just stop putting it into my head first. Until i get concrete, legitimate proof, i will not believe it!

ASDLJASDFJOJFAFLKSDJF;LKDJFLAJRIOELSDJFLKSDJF WHAT ARE YOU DOING BBY WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AWL;JAKSDJA KJDKAJDLASDJJ I... ASLKDJ33I POWSLD F YOU MAKE ME FEEL... LIKE A PERVERT LOL OMG STOP SOTPSTOPSTOPSTOPSTOPPPPP I LOVE YOU K. muah.

Kinda annoyed with people. Why are they so close minded? Must we really label everything so clearly? People who say things like "I'M STRAIGHT K" or "NO HOMO" when people never ask them pisses the crap out of me. Why do you have to clarify? Unless if we ask "You lesbian ah?" then you answer "I'm straight!" then okay. But we never even asked you, why are so afraid of being thought as a lesbian? What's wrong with that? Is it really such a bad thing? Oh then when you are clarifying, DO YOU REALLY NEED TO HAVE SUCH A BIG REACTION? Like "EEW NO I'M NOT" Eeew? Is that Eww really fucking necessary? It's not like i'm asking you to become one. JUST LEAVE THEM ALONE. JUST, DON'T SAY THEM EW OR ANYTHING. WHY MUST YOU BE SO PREJUDICE AGAINST THEM? WHY. Those kind of people disgust me man. Oh and also when you see a butch or anything then you're like "eee why become butch sia" IT'S HER CHOICE LA!! Why must you question so much?! And why you go imagine them being together? Why you go imagine those? And okay if you imagine but I DON'T SEE HOW IT'S GROSS? THEY'RE STILL TWO PEOPLE RIGHT. They're human fucking beings. Not a human being making out with like a fucking dog. Manzx, so bloody pissed off.

Some people are just so freaking insensitive.

Hi jessica.

i'm ready to go lead me into the lighhhhttt~

Kiss me. K-k-kiss me! Hi. Long time no blog. Here i am! I just had a random urge to write a will. HAHA. Firstly they always write what ah? Why they die or something? Okay. If it's accident then sad ah. But i'm probably happy about it because i am really very tired of living. So if i really kill myself, means i finally grew some balls and finally dare to hurt myself! Okay moving on. I mean everything is just a pain. There's nothing worth living for. I don't even know why i'm doing things for. Like there's no goal. "GO SET A GOAL LA" Sorry la, no goal for me to set. My dreams and goals are ruined ever since the day i can remember thanks to this leg. So i was bathing just now and i was like thinking, what's the point of having a boyfriend? I see those people in relationships like... They're all so happy at first but in the end, it all ends the same. I think i'll get tired of seeing and doing the same things with a person everyday unless if it's Katy Perry ;) I don't really want a committed relationship i guess! I just want flings. HAHA. But that's like not gonna happen so you know. I'll just be on my own. The only problem is i hate being own my own. Conflict ah. So it's best to just die. I can be a ghost and float around. I can be around Katy Perry!!! I will be her guardian ANGEL. Chey. HAHA. No but seriously, I WILL PROTECT HER K. In conclusion, i think life is pointless. Pointlessly pointless. Is it just me or words starts to sound weird if you keep saying it? Point point. Mmm k. Oh and if you wanna feel guilty about my death, please do. Because nobody ever listens to my plea for help. I keep dropping hints but no one ever gets them. I directly tell people, they think i'm kidding. So yeah. IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT AH. Feel bad okay? :D

This is the part where they say they wanna give their house and money to who right? Sorry eh, i don't have anything. Unless if you want my bearbear? HAHA. But it's so dirty and smelly. Nevermind uh, if you all don't want, bury it with me. It shall accompany me to the afterlife :3 Please don't burn my Katy Perry posters and magazines leh. I know people like to burn so the people in the afterlife will receive but it pains my heart to see them being destroyed ): Furthermore very expensive one leh!! I don't know ah. See what you all wanna do with it lorh. All my albums give to Lau Sock Ghim! I'm sure she'll do a good job keeping them! Oh and my books also. Provided if she wants to keep those very crumpled ones. HAHA. KEEP IT HOR. If not i haunt you. If Fatty is still alive when i'm gone, PLEASE TAKE GOOD CARE OF HIM. Please massage him regularly. He likes it. He likes to eat sunflower seeds and he eats alot!!! I love him so much!

OH MY DIARY~ Yes i have a diary! My image will probably be ruined once you all see it. You'll all think i'm some kind of psycho. I'm not okay. I was just very in love. So yeah. Feel free to take a look at it. And read through if you want to. It's in a hardcover note book thingy. I think it's somewhere on my room de table. It has a ring binding thing. You want you can give it to the person that i wrote about. That person will probably be very freaked and disturbed ah. NVM UH. I'll be dead already anyways. No need to feel embarrassed.

Right now, i can't think of anything else to say but i'll add on when i think of any okay? OKAY BYE.

My cover has been blown! Retreat retreat retreat!

i'm not that hard to figure out... the only problem is that nobody ever tries or bothers to do it...

Let's pretend that i'm a book... I'm opening myself up to you. I'M HELPING YOU FLIP TO THE PAGES BUT THE ONLY THING YOU'RE DOING IS CLOSING ME UP. WHY. WHY. SO so so so sick of life... SO SICK OF PEOPLE NOT LISTENING. Everything get's really depressing when i'm alone and there's no one around. My mind wanders in all the very depressing placessss then i get very very sad. Aww. I don't know why but i'm just really hyper sometimes... After that hyper moment i'm like, why the hell was i so happy? I don't even know. Its not like, legit happiness tho... It's just a sudden burst of energy. Sigh sigh sigh. I hate my life ): I hate my leg. I HATE EVERYTHING except for KATY PERRY. Stop it -.- K sorryyyy. SIGHHH cannot stop sighing. So sad ): Nobody cares when i'm sad... Because they never really see me sad before... And also because i fail at making sad faces so nobody really knows when i'm sad. This sucks. It's like nobody ever takes my emotions seriously. Grrr. Nvm. I mean, why bother about me righttttttttt. I'm soo annoying... Just... ARGH. Damn it...

CAN YOU REALLY NOT SENSE THE SADNESS IN MY WORDS. I'M MAKING IT AS OBVIOUS AS I CAN. I DON'T WANNA SOUND LIKE THOSE PEOPLE WHO IS LIKE "HEY I'M SAD" NO. I WANT YOU TO ASK ME "ARE YOU OKAY" IS IT REALLY SO HARD? ): Treat people the way you wanna be treated is complete bullshit. I ask people how are they. I am sensitive towards their feelings. If i hurt them, it's accidental and i fucking apologise!! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE. THE POINT ISSSSSS!! I don't know the point. I just feel very....... UNAPPRECIATED OR SOMETHING. I DON'T KNOW. NOBODY FUCKING CARES. WHO IS EVEN FUCKING READING THIS?

I'm very sad right now because i miss my old toys ):

wake me up before you go go

Hello! Long time since i last blogged... What can i say... Hmm. My class like alot of drama siol. Now like another drama brewing up HAHA. Don't know uh. Don't care better. But it's kinda nice... At least we don't need to do maths or science so i'm pretty happy during lessons. Hehe. Except that today, instead of listening to an important part of the lesson that is about our assignment, i was busy playing hangman and tic tac toe with Ayu. LOL. Sorry eh...

I wanted to say something one but i forgot!! DAMN IT. Argh... Nvm... I'm tired. Brain shutting down!! I NEED MY WIFEY. Haven't been spending alot of time with her ): And by spending time with her, i mean spending time in my room surrounded by her posters. I'm sorry bby. Even tho i'm not talking about you much nowadays, you are still forever number 1 in my heart. I never stopped thinking about you. Not even for a second. I love love love you! Forever and ever ever ever baby!

OOO! I remember one of the things i wanted to say! See la. I cancel the page, walk away then remember. Tsk. LOL. ANyways. YESYES. I got new nicknames which are awesome!! I think. There's like, baby butt? Baby Jasmin? and now i'm JASSY G!! I don't even like Jessie J. LOL. Nvm ah. It's not about my wifey wifey wifey, i'm just kidding kidding kidding. It's forever about my wifey~ Forget about the others~ K lame. GOODNIGHT. I'm gonna go dream now.

OOO I REMEMBERED ANOTHER THING I WANTED TO SAY! LOL. Apparently i sound very... weird? and girly? Or something when i speak chinese... Hmm. Interesting. It's a good thing i suppose! I sound like an ang moh speaking chinese? HAHA. That would be cool... Yeshyesh.